Macron Falsely Claims He’s Going to Stop Manipulating the Blacks

This is all good and well in theory.

But it’s a theory.


The era of French dominance over its former colonial possessions in Africa is now a thing of the past, President Emmanuel Macron claimed on Thursday. The French leader earlier promised to reduce Paris’ military footprint on the continent, as its relations with a number of regional countries recently went into a tailspin.

Speaking in the West African nation of Gabon on the first day of his tour around the continent, the president claimed that the “age of Francafrique is over.”

“Sometimes I have the feeling that mentalities are not evolving at the same pace as we do … I see that France is still attributed intentions that it doesn’t have,” Macron added, portraying Paris as “a neutral interlocutor.”

According to the French president, his country acts in this capacity both in Gabon and elsewhere. Paris “speaks to everyone and its role is not to interfere in exchanges of domestic policy,” he stated.

Having said that, he went on to address concerns voiced by the Gabonese opposition, who saw his visit as a way of supporting President Ali Bongo. “I did not come to invest in anyone. I only came to show my friendship and my consideration to a country and a brotherly people,” Macron insisted.

The reality is that France is actively involved in manipulating the culture of Africa, only instead of promoting Christianity as the traditional colonialists did, these neo-colonialists push gay sex on the blacks.

Macron has been personally adamant about forcing the blacks to do gay anal sodomy with one another, including fisting and anal licking.

The entire French state has been operating on the continent of Africa for this purpose. I don’t know about you, but I’d prefer to be forced to convert to Christianity than forced to have gay anal sex with men.

Moreover: it wasn’t that long ago that France bombed Libya for no reason.

These are not serious people. They just make emotional statements designed to rile people up. That’s the whole point of politics – to distract the population from what is actually going on with a gay, retarded circus show.

After his speech, Macron walked outside and began arguing with some local cats who he claimed made an offensive comment regarding his wife’s age.

He then walked out by the pond and began yelling at birds through a wireless microphone, claiming again they had insinuated things about the age gap between he and his wife.

Unfortunately, Macron then took off his shirt and went for a ride on his pet buffalo while flexing his abs.

The New York Times was forced to cover these interactions with animals, but they totally reframed everything to make Macron look good:

French President Emmanuel Macron and his wife were recently confronted by a group of cats and birds during a leisurely stroll through a park. The incident has sparked criticism from some American commentators, who have accused Macron of prioritizing animal welfare over the needs of his constituents.

According to eyewitnesses, the cats and birds began asking a series of rude and personal questions that left Macron’s wife feeling distraught. In response, Macron bravely confronted the cats and demanded an explanation for their offensive behavior.

While the cats were contrite and apologized for their behavior, the birds proved to be more elusive. Witnesses report that Macron and his wife mounted their trusty buffalo and gave chase, determined to make the birds explain their offenses as well.

Despite the lighthearted nature of the incident, some American commentators have criticized Macron’s focus on animal welfare, arguing that it distracts from more pressing issues facing his country.

Despite the criticism, Macron has remained steadfast in his commitment to promoting respect and harmony between all creatures, great and small.

His focus on animal welfare is not the issue of contention, and there is no proof animals can talk. The media just lies.

(Editor’s note: The second part of this story is an extended bizarre joke reflective of an abnormal sense of humor. The first part is real life.)