Media Claims That High School Gay Sex Dances are an Ancient Tradition in Eastern Kentucky

Reject modernity.
Embrace tradition.

This is definitely one of the weirder spins I’ve seen put on a news story in a while.

Who would have guessed that high school gay sex dances are a long-standing cultural tradition in small town Kentucky?

USA Today:

It was an event that once would have barely made news outside the school gymnasium, much less traveled beyond this 4,900-resident Appalachian mountain town.

But within hours of Hazard High School’s homecoming “Man Pageant,” where male students dressed in women’s undergarments appeared to lap-dance and grind on seated school leaders, the photos hit social media.

By the next day, they’d gone viral — sparking outrage that turned a derisive national spotlight on this tiny Kentucky community like never before.

Images that included principal Donald “Happy” Mobelini, who is also Hazard’s mayor, smiling while half-clad students danced suggestively — and young women dressed as Hooters waitresses — drew condemnation from legions of social media users.

Kentucky Gov. Andy Beshear called it “totally unacceptable,” an investigation was launched and the resulting media coverage stretched all the way to a British tabloid.

The scope of reaction shocked many in tight-knit, conservative Hazard, whose red-brick downtown framed by mountains was once a hub of a now-depleted Appalachian coalfield.

And while some locals were appalled by what happened in their school, many parents, students and residents, stung by the onslaught of condemnation, have leaped ferociously to the school’s defense — casting the controversy as overblown and the work of outsiders.

“People who were not even connected to the school went after us,“ said student Gavin Goins, a sophomore who was at the event. “I think it’s an attack on tradition.”

Imagine, if you will, a take so hot you could fry an egg on its surface.

He was among 100 residents and students gathered in a Hazard city park on a rainy Thursday, two days after the controversy broke, near a hand-painted sign strung between two picnic tables reading, “We Love you Happy.”

Some in attendance had changed their social media profile to a photo of the principal in a superhero costume. Others in a county where nearly 90% voted for Donald Trump in the 2020 presidential election blamed the media and refused to speak to reporters.

Cars honked as they passed the park, and cheers erupted when Mobelini — who had been avoiding public comment — finally strode toward the crowd, shaking hands with residents.

“Happy! Happy! Happy!” chanted several dozen Hazard High students.

The viral scandal comes as Perry County has worked hard to reinvent its economy and image in the wake of coal’s decline in a region with some of the nation’s highest poverty rates.

In September, it posted one of the nation’s highest COVID-19 incidence rates.

No relationship to its obesity rates.

Or its opioid abuse rates.

Total coincidence.

Even some who found the “Man Pageant” tradition unacceptable said the outcry hit a nerve in a place where some feel “we don’t have a lot anymore, so our pride is one more thing under attack,” said Hazard resident and high school graduate Terry Thies.

Others believe that long-standing Appalachian stereotypes helped stoke the incident’s virality.

In Eastern Kentucky, very rarely do you hear anything positive about us. We’re constantly being made fun of and called hillbillies, stupid and ignorant,” said Tosha Lindon, a Hazard High graduate whose freshman-year son was at the event. “You never hear anything positive. But when something negative happens, boom. It’s everywhere.”

Honestly, I think you can blame yourselves for obsessing too much over what New York Jews think of you.

This event reeks of “we gotta get with the times, Happy. Them folks up in New York boy, they’re laughing at us. We gotta show ’em we’re with it. If we want them big city folk to take us seriously, we gotta do a gay sex show at the high school.”

Obviously, there is no county on earth where this would not have caused outrage.

I’m from Ohio, some of my people are from Kentucky, and there is no group of people other than the disenfranchised coal miners of Appalachia that I’d be more willing to go to bat for. But frankly, “them big city folk is just talking about our high school gay sex show because they look down on us simple folk” is beyond George Floyd level.

But understand – this is a media narrative. They can find someone who will give any quote, and if they can’t, they just make it up.

Still, there is certainly no unanimity on a controversy that has sparked countless debates and discussions in Hazard, from parking lots at dollar stores to fast-food joints and the downtown’s shops and courthouse, residents said.

Online, rancorous arguments and name-calling have erupted between residents on Facebook. Some call it indefensible, saying the principal should have immediately stopped the bawdy performance and stopped allowing “Man Pageant” events.

Brenda Fletcher, 66, who said generations of her family have attended the school, wearing a school T-shirt in her home perched on a steep hillside, said she blames the leadership for letting it happen.

I thought for a minute they were going to say that they’d been doing “twink lap dance night” since she was in school.

While the “Man Pageant” has been a feature of homecoming week for years, she said, “they crossed a lot of boundaries this year.”

“I was so angry when I first saw it. And it’s unacceptable,” she said. “I don’t think it’s overblown. They needed to crack down and say this will not happen again.”

Others argue that the “Man Pageant” was simply a student-led skit that got too racy, and it was unfair to blame the school leaders who they believe didn’t plan or approve what was meant as a prank on school officials.

They take their robes off and start twerking or whatever. The teachers laughed, they got up and pushed them off. Somebody took a picture. And yes, it looks bad. Yes, it was in poor taste. You know how social media is. It just exploded,” Lindon said, whose son was at the event.

Frankly, you also see this “degeneracy overcompensation” thing happening in Russia. They feel like people in New York are looking down on them for not being progressive enough, so they start giving Moslems blowjobs in front of churches.

You hate to see it.

But hey – “the activities did not play out as intended” is my new favorite slogan.