Sad Story: Sad Ben Affleck Marrying Old Ran-Through 60-Year-Old Latinx JLO

Listen up, bro.

Here’s the deal.

Being rich and famous is not going to give you self-esteem.

There is one thing that will give you self-esteem, and that is forgiving your mother for all of these crimes she committed against you and filling your heart with the spirit of Jesus Christ.

Ben Affleck is marrying a used up ran-through 60-year-old Latinx when he could just marry an 18-year-old rando slut or like, be an incel.

New York Post:

Jennifer Lopez and Ben Affleck have tied the knot!

Sources at TMZ have confirmed the two star’s marriage and Page Six has obtained a marriage license from Clark County, NV filed Saturday, July 16, indicating that Benjamin Géza Affleck and Jennifer Lynn Lopez are indeed married.

Reps for Lopez and Affleck did not immediately return our request for comment.

The “Marry Me” actress announced her engagement to the “Good Will Hunting” star in April in a short video via her fan newsletter, “On The JLo.”

“You’re perfect,” Lopez was heard saying in the clip as she stared adoringly at her green engagement ring.

“I always say the color green is my lucky color. Maybe you can remember a certain green dress,” she explained in a previous newsletter, referring to that famous Versace silk chiffon number she wore to the 2000 Grammys.

Poor Ben.

I’m going to cry.

JLo is not your mommy, Ben.

You didn’t deserve what your mom did to you.

It’s not your fault.

It’s not your fault.

It’s not your fault.

Ben, call it off, man.

Join Incel Gang.

I wrote this song for you, Ben.

It’s about being an INCEL and staying where you belong: with your bros.

Down here is your home, Ben.

Ben.

Ben.

Get my number from [redacted].

Let’s hang out and eat some pizza, play some GTA, and let me hug you like in that horrible movie you made.

I can be your Robin Williams, Ben.

I love you, bro.