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Roy Batty
Daily Stormer
February 28, 2018
In a lot of European countries, you have something called a bidet. It’s a groovy spot to wash your butthole with water after a defecation act.
Not in America though.
Americans use more toilet paper than anyone else in the world, with manufacturing practices by US companies that destroy the habitats of native people who live where it is sourced and contribute to global warming, a new research study has showed.
US consumers use roughly three rolls of toilet paper each week, accounting for one-fifth of the world’s tissue consumption, according to the report titled ‘The Issue With Tissue: How Americans are Flushing Forests Down the Toilet’ by environmental groups Stand.earth and Natural Resources Defense Council (NRDC).
Look, I hate Canada as much as the next American and feel joy when they suffer.
But let’s face facts here. Three rolls of toilet paper each week is excessive AF.
I’m tempted to make a joke about obesity and shitty food leading to continual sharting, but I just can’t.
Well, just one spurdo I guess.
I’m still stuck on the 3 rolls a week stat. How does someone shit/use that much tp in a week? It’s absurd.
And I think we all know who is to blame.
No wonder Boomers have to reverse mortgage their houses! It all makes sense now! They’re spending all their money on triple-ply extra soft toilet paper!
See, my generation can’t afford that. We have to use water to clean our asses or when there’s no shower or bidet nearby, we just man up and use our hands or the local WalMart.
I spent my formative years using my left hand to save up enough money to continue being able to afford avocado toast in the mornings.
Single-use tissue products such as toilet paper used in the United States are made from wood pulp, mostly derived from logging in the old-growth northern, or boreal, forest in Canada, where logging companies clear cut more than a million acres (405,000 hectares) every year, the he US-based nonprofit advocacy group NRDC said.
This is problematic for a variety of environmental reasons, including the ways in which it contributes to climate change.
The worst offenders are the brands of Charmin Ultra Soft, Quilted Northern, Angel Soft, Kirkland Signature and Up&Up Soft & Strong toilet tissues, according to the report.
On a more serious note, this is an example of a real green cause that I can get behind.
Plastics in the ocean, smog in the cities and environmental destruction are real and serious causes. All of them have been thrown under the bus in favor of Global Warming. On some level this makes sense – Global Warming scam artists claim that the world will end in X amount of years (whereby X changes every 5 years).
Other environmental causes don’t the same emotional impact.
Pointing out that the seas are filling up with Chink plastic and that the bees are dying or that the rainforest is being systematically destroyed used to be vogue. But it’s all being drowned out by the Global Warming agenda.
No other environmental cause can compete.
Furthermore, companies stand to lose a lot of money on actual environmental causes and not the Global Warming scam.
The toilet paper thing can be solved with Americans adopting one simple device.
It would save people a lot of money and help everyone have a cleaner ass.
But I know in my heart of hearts that it’s too Yuropeen and reeks of socialism too much for most Americans to even consider the possibility.
Instead, they’ll continue destroying forests so they can smear their poop all over their buttcheeks instead of hygienically removing it.
