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I’ve been seeing some chitter-chatter about how “maybe we shouldn’t celebrate Independence Day anymore because the US is a gay country run by Jews.” I am totally opposed to this thinking, and think anyone following through on this kind of threat is a complete fag.
Firstly, you’re celebrating the nation as it was, not as it is now. And it was once a great nation. I’m a bit allergic to this “greatest country on earth” business, because it sounds insane and I don’t really see any basis for it, but it is the country of my ancestors and they celebrated it and I will celebrate it for the same reasons they did. Well, sort of. When they were celebrating it, the nation actually was great, and now it really is just a completely Jewed up shithole filled with niggers, homos, and junkies. But we celebrate the great men who made this country great before the boomers burned it down.
And we can celebrate the great things that remain: our families, cheeseburgers, hotdogs… umm… I don’t think RimWorld is American, and John Wick is pretty much Russian… Legos are Danish… but I’m sure there are still some other good things about America. Hey – there are some great vape shops and some great American made juice. I think all the good mods are made in China, but America has great high quality juice. And with the cheeseburgers, we are talking about the cows too. We’ve got some great cows.
One of the things about my job is rich people want to take me to fancy places, and I’ve had $400 Japanese steaks, and I still prefer US Angus. On July 4th, I want it ground up and grilled and I want a toasty bun and AMERICAN melty cheese and pickles and onions and ketchup and FRENCH’S mustard (which I’m pretty sure is American, despite the name which perhaps implies something different).
Here’s the thing: not celebrating traditional national holidays because of political things is gay. I’m still out there celebrating James Earl Ray Day, despite the fact he failed to stop the nigger uprising.
I’m thinking about burning a US flag at the BBQ. Just because that big Israel guy on TV is trying to tell me I can’t.
It seems like what Thomas Jefferson would have done, you know?
You know:
Although this is the great nation of my birth, the nation I love, with a flag intended to symbolize the freedoms that men died for, the current tyranny is burning the freedoms the flag once represented, and so with a heavy heart, I will set flame to the symbol of freedom so that I might light a fire of freedom in the hearts of my countrymen. If the freedoms the flag stands for no longer stand, than the flag no longer means anything, so it is in effigy that we allow the wind to scatter the ashes of the memory of a once free people.
But I don’t have any flags that aren’t polyester, and I’m not trying to burn plastic.
This nightmerica situation has me just as down as anyone. Maybe more so. But long after America burns down, I’m going to celebrate Independence Day, in remembrance of greater men and better days. And because I like grilling. And everyone is very happy with my grilling. People are coming back for seconds. I hardly even get to eat one, but what I enjoy is making other people happy.
I live in Nigeria, where people don’t really know much about American history, so I tell people that George Washington killed the King of England in a Japanese sword fight because the King of England tried to ban burgers.
I think we can probably alter our stories in the future in this way. I don’t really see any reason not to. I mean it doesn’t have to be that silly, but it could be sort of silly like that. I don’t really think these stories about the foundations of America that we hear now are really that good, the whole democracy thing is pretty gay, and I also don’t think they’re really very good, so George Washington being a kind of John Wick figure on a mission to stop the British from banning burgers is something I think is a real option for future history books.
But seriously man, have fun.
Everything isn’t political.
I mean, sort of everything is political, but a holiday with your family isn’t, and burgers and fireworks are not.
I should have posted a few days ago and instructed on how to make real charcoal. Real niggas know that it’s a whole lot different than that shit you buy in the bag. But it’s a little late for that now. It’s the norm here in my neck of the woods, of course, ain’t nobody buying bagged charcoal, but I did learn how to make it, my own special brew, and it really makes a world of difference. You get that real wood charcoal and then you just smoke them bitches out. Smoke up them buns too.
(Hilarious, considering that since the end of the Transatlantic slave trade, charcoal is like, one of the only profitable exports from Nigeria.)
But buddy, you’ll do fine with the bagged charcoal. You made it this far in your life with that. But next year, we’ll do a “how to make real charcoal” class in June, and all your people will be like “bro, what the hell did you do, this is amazing!”
I’ve also got a 15% pork mix, which prevents that faggot Zorhan from showing up at your BBQ and doing his friendly smily schtick and wooing everyone with his Islamo-communism. I spice the meat up pretty good too. Not too much, because you’ve gotta hold the shape, but pig fat helps with that. I also grind all my meat. I mean the butcher does, I unfortunately don’t have a grinder. But when that shit has been sitting there ground up and in the cold for days… not ideal.
Here’s the biggest thing though: do not cheap out on the buns. Get the good buns. Cut them and then flash the inner (cut) part in some melted butter, then put them on the grill for just a wee bit. Just to brown them up, and get it a bit crispy on the inside.
I’ll try to post some pics of my burgers.
And hey – throw some dogs on there too. Same protocol with the bun, slice the hotdog down the middle, and when it opens up, it’s done. Have some chopped onions and some chopped pickles with the mustard. None of that weird stuff that comes in cans. And these are hotdogs, not sausages, so no sauerkraut, okay? Let’s not get weird. Tell people if they want weird shit, bring it themselves.
By the way, I have the lettuce there, but I never recommend lettuce on burgers. It’s not my thing, and I’m the grill master, and though I’m not completely outraged by lettuce, I don’t believe in it, and I only discourage people from using it because my burgers are designed to not have lettuce. And there is no mayonnaise available at all in my BBQ, and if someone asks for it, I punch them in the stomach (and yes, before you ask, that rule does apply to pregnant women).
But have fun, boys.
Think of the good things for a day.
This is not a celebration of modern America, it’s a celebration of American mythology, it’s a celebration of our homeland and the homeland of our fathers, and this land that belongs to us and them, not to any of the others.
And most importantly of all: if you get blackout drunk, DO NOT grab your sister-in-law’s tits. Cousin’s? Not as bad, but avoid that as well. This is the one day of the year I drink beer, and I’d advise you to do the same. I’m thinking of applying this rule to all holidays, because a few Christmases ago, Santa maybe had a bit too much Grey Goose and was maybe a bit meaner to the African children than Santa should be. Beer is poison, total liquid estrogen, but it does prevent things from getting out of hand.
I mean, I’m a pro. I haven’t been blackout drunk in like, over 15 years. I was at a party a few weeks ago and people kept telling me to do shots after I knew I was at my limit and I watched these people vomiting and passing out while I was sitting there shaking my damn head and could have passed any DUI test (other than the breathalyzer, which is unconstitutional and a Jewish conspiracy literally supported by Palantir and James Bowman). But you know, I am a lot more likely to get a bit more… socially inappropriate with celebratory levels of liquor, whereas with beer that is totally impossible, and I think that goes for everyone, even us big time pros.
Especially if you’re the cook, bro, you gotta keep your shit tight. You start flipping out shitty burgers and it will make grabbing your sister-in-law’s tits look like an innocent foible.
