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This is a special bonus edition of Stormer Ebonics translations, where we’re going to hit a couple of classic hits.
A translation of 50 Cent’s 2003 hit was requested by a reader. I was slightly hesitant, as I think rap from that time was so much more straightforward that a white person can basically understand the original lyrics.
Rap from that period also had a theme and told a story, unlike modern rap, which tends to be just a series of unrelated wild assertions, which kind of makes the translations funnier.
But by doing classic rap, at least we can show that this is not some new phenomenon.
Here’s 50’s “Heat”
If there’s a problem, I will start firing a gun and empty out the clip
Petty disagreements are meaningless to me
I will drive by in a vehicle and shoot you in the head
You will not have time to draw your weapon
When me and my buddies come to shoot you
I take care of my gang business, without regard for potential police prosecutions
The District Attorney can use this song, where I am confessing to a murder plot, in a case against me
I’m going to murder you
I’m being serious, I hope you understand, I’m being serious
As soon as I get the opportunity, I am going to murder you
You can continue to believe that I’m not serious until I shoot you in the head
And your brain matter splatters everywhere
In public housing neighborhoods, murder is popular during the summer months
The fact that it is hot outside is a good reason to murder people
I have witnessed gang members find religion after they’ve been shot
They pray for God’s help as they are bleeding out
When I drive by and start firing an AK-47 out the window
You can return fire and empty the magazine of your handgun
You can run away and try to find other members of your gang to help you in the shootout
It’s fine with me if you believe you are blessed religiously
Because I will reload my AK-47 and do another drive-by shooting
The truth is, buddy, if you make trouble will be, it’s all over for you
I will come up behind you and start shooting, and you won’t be able to duck
Listen, buddy, you shouldn’t believe you’ve gotten away from me because you moved out of the public housing projects
Your mother still lives in this area, and that is bad news for you
If you were more intelligent, you’d be very worried about my vendetta against you
If I exhaust myself trying to find you
I will do a drive-by shooting at your mother’s house
Then you will have to find me to take revenge
I’m emotionally fixated on my plan to kill you
You act like you’re a serious person, but I know you’re a coward
Buddy, you know rumors spread quickly in public housing projects
I will not accept a surrender
I’m coming for you forcefully
I will hunt you until the end of time
If I die today, I will not have any regrets
I’ve been in a lot of gunfights alone
I was in prison in solitary confinement
I made millions of dollars without anyone’s help
But things are different now, buddy, I have a large gang
I heard that you invested $50,000 into your gang
But I will shoot your top bodyguard
I use a handgun to hurt people
If you survive getting shot by me, you will deal with chronic health problems for the remainder of your days
I’ve heard you play the board game Battleship, but this situation is is different from a board came
Buddy, gang war is a completely different type of tactical combat
The losers of this game end up going to prison
Or murdered in the street will their brain matter splattered across the asphalt
If we have a fist fight and I lose, I will shoot you
So you should not irritate me unless you want to get shot
I’ve done bad things, but God remains faithful to me
I’m going to be the best rapper, because I’m working with Dr. Dre
Hey, Dr. Dre
I feel really great about the services you’ve provided me with
The windows on my Mercedes-Benz are bulletproof, buddy
I am wearing a bulletproof vest, buddy
I am wearing a bulletproof hat, buddy
But the doctor said if I get shot in my bulletproof hat I’ll probably get a concussion
But that is better than getting a bullet through my skull, correct, buddy?
Fin
BONUS CONTENT
As long as we’re on classic rap, why not go way, way back, and see what colored folks were saying in the 1990s?
I recently said that Tupac’s “Hail Mary” was similar to a quote from Saint Francis of Assisi.
I have no idea why, but a lot of racists read this website, and claimed that the Tupac song was just “nigger bibble-babble,” and can not be compared to the holy words of Francis.
To be clear, I was not saying they were “comparable.” I was just saying: “same energy.”
So it’s only appropriate that I translate 2 Pac’s “Hail Mary” (1996) to clear up the confusion.
To be clear, I don’t know why Pac included a Catholic prayer in this song. He was raised by some black radical mother, meaning that it was probably some mix of weird spiritualist protestant Christianity and Islam, which is – for whatever reason – the standard black religious system.
Regardless of why, the title and chorus of the song do contain the words “Hail Mary,” which is the beginning of the rosary prayer (which, to you protestants, is not a worship of Mary, it is just a prayer asking Her to pray for you). He also has other Catholic references.
So, there’s no need to translate that part of the song. He just says “Hail Mary” in normal English.
Here it is.
I’m here on this song with my friends
You can feel the beats strongly
This song is like getting shot with a 12-gauge shotgun
God said that he would send his one and only begotten Son
To show the heathens a path to redemption
He said “follow me”
He ordered Christians to take the Holy Eucharist
Come over here
Hail Mary, buddy, let’s talk
What is your situation?
Are you prepared to give your life for our cause?
I’m not a murderer, but don’t irritate me
Giving one’s enemies their comeuppance is the most pleasurable thing aside from vaginal intercourse
I have a lot of knowledge of philosophy
I found that rap music was lacking and I fixed the problem with my skills
Please kneel and pray to God, and pray he will hear you
I see gang members coming for me in the reflections in my diamonds
Please, God, listen: bless me father, I am near death
Everyone is getting murdered, Mother Mary, pray for us at the time of our death
I am insane and locked inside my own head
There is a darkness and evil inside me, I try to escape my enemies
There is a hate inside me that protects my soul
I do drive-by shootings, and I don’t aim
Some people claim that the gang war community and music industry are totally corrupt
People who escape this lifestyle are fortunate
Also, my mother told my not to engage in coitus interruptus, and to ejaculate into women’s vaginas
I hate the world if they don’t accept me, but that’s okay – Hail Mary
The prison system is filled with people who make false claims of fidelity
They don’t realize that time is precious, and shouldn’t be spent in prison
I’ve been in prison, but I live my life knowing that some day I will die
I am too jaded to smile, and I’m too disturbed for humility
We are living the high life, please help me God
I’m drinking heavy amounts of alcohol
Please let me have some of that Hennessy, I require more of that particular beverage
Life is Hell, and I might go to hell, but I remain brave
My mother used to find that I had disappeared from my bedroom
I am mentally ill, I don’t have a solution to that problem
We only get one life, but I am not afraid of death
It is only me and my brothers, destined for prison for drug dealing
We are trapped in a life of crime
I want to recognize all of my friends in federal prison
Remain strong of heart, and know I’m thinking of you
When the guards turn the lights out on the cell block, I’m there will you in spirit
Criminality is etched into my soul
Hail Mary, friend
I’m not going to do the verses of 3-rate 90s rappers no one remembers.
But I think the song is sympathetic, when translated.
We all have our various struggles, and we do our best to find God in the midst of these struggles.
With the black folk, I am leaning towards the Curse of Ham explaining their existence. So their struggles are harder. But I also do agree that they have souls and some are trying their best. I think it is useful to see our own struggles reflected in their clearly more extreme struggles, as they try to deal with the low IQ and violent tendencies they are cursed with.
We need further study of the blacks to fully understand what is going on with these people.
I think “ride or die” is an important message for white people.
Those are our only options.
Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us, sinners.
