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Azzmador
Daily Stormer
October 21, 2016
Welcome to the first installment of Dear Azzy.
Our first seeker of my wisdom and experience sent his query via Twitter direct message. It has been edited for brevity, grammar, and to remove personal details. All submissions will be subject to similar editing.
Dear Azzy,
I’ve been a fan of yours since I first heard you on Fash the Nation. I was always inspired by your willingness to discuss your years of addiction and how you have been sober for over ten years.
I am 28 years old and have had an on again off again relationship with meth. I’m also a problem drinker. Once I start, I can’t stop until I black out.
I’ve tried many times to quit. I’ve gone to Alcoholics Anonymous and now I’m working the program and I will have five months sobriety this November 9th.
When I was using, I was verbally abusive to my girlfriend and I wasn’t a very good father to our two kids, to say the least. I could never hold a job, I pawned everything of value that we owned for drugs, I stole money from my girlfriend and my parents, and I went to jail several times for minor theft. Basically the typical alcoholic/addict.
My question concerns my family. My parents won’t speak to me, and my girlfriend won’t allow me to even see my kids unless she’s there watching. I have done just as they say in the program and have admitted what I’ve doe and apologized for the things I did. I’ve had a full time job for nearly three months and I really am getting my life back on track, to use a cliche.
But my family and my former girlfriend won’t believe that I’ve actually changed. I know I put them through a lot, but how can I make them see that I really have changed this time and all I want is my family and my kids back? How can I convince them that shunning me like this is going to make it harder for me to stay sober?
Thanks,
T. S.
Dear T.S.,
Congratulations on recognizing that you have a problem and that you need to become a sober, rational adult. If you continue down this path, your life will improve immeasurably, as well as your self-esteem, but it takes a long time. You didn’t say how long you’ve been using, but typically when people decide on their own to quit, it means they have been using for some time, at least in my experience. You’ve been damaging yourself physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually for some time. That won’t get all better overnight.
But you didn’t ask me how to quit, you asked me how to “make them see that I really have changed this time.”
Well, I’m gonna give it to you straight. Your attitude is all wrong, son.
Like many freshly sober addicts, and believe me five months is really fresh, you have left out the important part, and you’ve put the burden of reconciliation on the wrong parties.
Apologizing is fine. When you’ve wronged people you love, it is mandatory. But apologizing is easy, and based on your saying “I have really changed this time,” I’d bet dollars to donuts that this isn’t the first round of apologies, and I’m sure they were followed by plenty of promises of how things were going to be different.
Apologizing isn’t enough. To be honest, it’s barely anything at all. By your own admission, you have spent years proving to the people in your life that you are an untrustworthy, lying doper. Don’t take that too hard, you’re in good company. Everyone with an addiction exhibits the exact same behavior. It’s just the nature of the beast.
The thing is, you have to follow up on those apologies by making amends. This means you’re going to have to redeem yourself, to your parents, your ex-girlfriend, your children, friends, all of them. Make no mistake, this doesn’t just mean you have to pay back the things you’ve taken, it means you have to become the person you should have been.
And here’s the rub. They are under no obligation whatsoever to forgive you. And after having been burned over and over again, they may never do so, and if they do, it’s gonna take a hell of a lot longer than any five months.
The mind of the addict is always operating on the assumption that his problems are the fault of everyone else. Until you can fully digest that no one is to blame for the state you’re in but the man you see when you look in the mirror, you will never remain sober, and I hope that’s not the case because your family, your kids, and your people need you to be an upright, healthy, and moral person for them.
If you can keep working on your sobriety and continue to improve your life, the odds are overwhelming that the people who love you will not only accept you back into their trust, but they will be proud of you for having defeated one of the most powerful demons a man could ever face. And you’ll be a better man for it. Confident, strong, with a new faith in yourself that you can do anything to which you have set your mind.
I wish I could mark a spot on the calendar for when or if this may happen, but it’s different for everyone.
All I can tell you is this is a journey worth taking.
I know, because it’s the path I walk every day.
Stay strong brother!
Sincerely,
Azzmador
To submit questions to “Dear Azzy” you can post them in the Daily Stormer Forums here, in the Twitter hashtag #AskAzzmador, or for longer or more personal questions feel free to leave me a private message.