Faggots are Spending Thousands on “Anal Botox” to Get Tighter Anuses

Every so often, I encounter a headline that is so disgusting, so spiritually unclean, that I turn off my computer and go outside for a long walk. It doesn’t matter whether it’s raining or snowing, morning or midnight, I’m going for that damn walk.

This was one of those times.

Towleroad:

Gay men are spending up to $25,000 on anal botox and other cosmetic procedures on their bottoms including “anal rejuvenation and bleaching services” along with treatments for “hemorrhoids, skin tags and polyps,” Moneyish reports.

One patient interviewed told Moneyish that he has spent $70K to correct a botched surgery down there (“like Freddie Krueger performed it”) but in the process discovered the fountain of anal youth:

He also got Botox injections to release the muscles around his anus so that he can enjoy bottom sex once more.

“It sounds crazy. People laugh, and they ask, ‘Does your butthole look younger now?’” he said. “It probably does! But seriously, I identify with my sexuality very strongly, and I couldn’t receive anal sex for seven years. That was a big issue for me.”

“How does it feel? Whoo-hoo! Yes! It was a victory,” he said. “And the guy was like, ‘Wow, you have a beautiful butthole,’ which just made me feel so good. This is all I wanted, from the beginning – for this tiny little thing to look beautiful.”

I didn’t think it was possible for me to hate faggots more than I already do.

I mean, Jews are still #1 on the Hate List, but faggots just replaced Hajis with the #2 spot.

Once another terrorist attack occurs in London this week, fags will probably go back to #3.

So, homosexuals are re-tightening their anuses after ruining them with decades of brutal sodomy. You’d think some of these rump rangers would stand upright (to the best of their ability) and think, “Gosh, perhaps this is Mother Nature’s way of telling me that my behavior is unnatural and self-destructive.”

But of course, such thoughts don’t enter their GRIDS-addled minds. In fact, many of these fags – especially the so-called “bug chasers” – thrive on self-destructiveness. It makes them feel more like a victim, a pariah from society, thus binding them closer to their homosexual in-group.

Anyway, there’s a missing piece to this story so far, isn’t there?

And I guarantee with 6,000,000 percent certainty that you all know what that piece is.

There are “one to two days of really not liking me, especially when it’s time to go to the bathroom,” said Dr. Goldstein, noting his patients take pain medication, numbing lotions and suppositories so they can do their business. You can expect a good two weeks of bathroom discomfort. And forget about sex – bottoming at least – for three months.

Every. Single. Time.

I did some research into this tapir-faced Jew and it turns out that his Manhattan surgery specializes in the art of anal tightening.

Like, that’s his job. When people ask him what he does for a living, he says, “I pump men’s assholes with Botox to ensure that their bottoming remains pleasant.”

Even if he weren’t a Jew, this would still call for a re-opening of Auschwitz.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m going for another walk.

It’s raining outside, but that’s okay – it’ll be like taking a shower at the same time.