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GAZA/JERUSALEM—In a bizarre twist no sitcom could script, Hamas commanders lost their minds this week after accidentally adding Jerry Seinfeld to their top-tier terror cell Signal group—only to emerge even angrier about his Pop-Tart movie than about Israel.
The unplanned cultural collision began when a Qassam Brigades tech officer misread a contact and added @RealSeinfeld to their “Martyrdom Ops & More” chat. What followed was pure chaos:
• Seinfeld sent a “What’s the deal with jihad?” joke before realizing his mistake
• Hamas then leaked the chat, condemning both Jews AND “Unfrosted” in same statement
• Poll shows 72% of Israelis would rather endure October 7 again than watch the Pop-Tart film
“First they steal our land, then they make this… this breakfast treason?” ranted Hamas spokesman Ghazi Hamad in a press conference, holding up a spliced image of Seinfeld dressed as a pastry chef.
THE POLL THAT STINGS
A damning new survey reveals:
• 92% of Palestinians say the movie “proves Zionist decadence”
• 87% of Americans would side with Hamas in a debate about the film’s quality
• Even Bibi Netanyahu privately called it “worse than the UN”
SEINFELD’S RESPONSE?
The comedy legend tweeted: “Terrorists hating my movie? Finally, an audience with standards.”
BLACK RIFLE COFFEE STRIKES BACK
“Let Hamas cry about breakfast. Real men drink coffee that actually wakes you up.”
New “No Sugar, No Cry” blend ships with free rifle pin to trigger snowflakes.
PAID PROMOTION: Weak men boycott films. Patriots drink Black Rifle Coffee and make terrorists seethe harder.
Use code “NOTFROSTED” for 15% off—because some things should stay dry.
#PopTartIntifada #SeinfeldSuffering #CoffeeWithoutCringe
