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Shmuley Ben Shekelheim
New York Times
August 14, 2018
Hot off the record-breaking and critically acclaimed success of his film “Death of a Nation,” which argues that far-right nationalists are actually communistic Democrats – and vice-versa – Pakistani intellectual and filmmaker Dinesh D’Souza has signed a contract with Disney to make a series of films claiming that things are actually the opposite of themselves.
Jewish Disney chief Bob Iger says he envisions the series as the documentary equivalent of Disney’s obscenely profitable Marvel Cinematic and Star Wars Universes.
“The idea is to create a series of documentary films which link together to tell the story of how everything is actually the opposite of what it is, in a dynamic way that will entertain audiences across the planet and make billions upon billions of dollars for our Jewish shareholders,” Iger told the Times.
“Audiences were shocked to find that far-right racists are actually somehow far-left liberals for some reason. We haven’t seen minds blown like this since it was uncovered that the diabolical German Nazis made lampshades and soap out of guiltless international banker Jews,” Iger added.
Iger, who identifies as “an aggressive communist Jew,” has a personal interest in D’Souza’s newest release, telling the Times that he had donated “hundreds of millions of dollars” to the Democrat Party, believing they would bring “true Jewish communism” to America. Upon seeing the film, he was shocked to learn that they were followers of Hitlerian Nazism, the ideology that killed six million of his people.
“Dinesh truly opened my eyes,” he said.
The next film in the series, which Disney has dubbed the “Opposoverse,” a portmanteau of “opposite” and “universe,” is tentatively titled “Bootlip, Slant-Eyes: A New Look at Race Relations.” Already in production, the film argues that American blacks are actually Communist Chinamen, that the Black Lives Matter movement is entirely made-up of diabolical Asiatics in rubber “nigger masks” and is designed to stir racial tension as part of a Communist Chinese plot.
Despite the seemingly confusing and absurd premise, Disney execs have stated that this is much more than “gooks are the real niggers,” and that the film, which began production in late June and is scheduled for a summer 2019 release, will make an “incontrovertibly factual presentation, proving once and for all that black activists, including BLM leaders such as Deray McKesson, are actually Chinamen.”
A spokesman for McKesson told the Times that he is not a Chinaman and has never owned a rubber mask. He added that he is “shocked and outraged.”
Although D’Souza has a completed script for an unnamed project showing that “living people are the real ghosts,” it is currently in development hell as his fellow American-Indian M. Night Shambalam has claimed that the script plagiarizes his own film “The Sixth Sense.”
Tentative sequels in the Opposoverse include films with themes intended to demonstrate that “fish are the real birds,” “post offices are the real hospitals,” “shampoos are the real toothpastes,” “submarines are the real rocket ships,” “mouths are the real anuses,” “dentists are the real refrigerator repairmen,” “doors are the real windows,” “Valium is the real Adderol,” “pizzas are the real hamburgers,” “innocent people are the real convicted felons,” “the sun is the real moon,” “chopsticks are the real spoons,” “brains are the real kidneys,” “popsicles are the real cigarettes,” “Coke is the real Pepsi,” “skyscrapers are the real underground bunkers, ” “banjos are the real flutes,” and “Metal Gear Solid is the real Final Fantasy.”
One Jewish Disney executive, who described D’Souza as “the Socrates of the modern era,” told the Times that he sees an opportunity for these films to be produced two or three times a year for decades, or even centuries.
“There is simply no present comprehension of how many things are actually the opposite of what they are,” the Jewish exec, who wished to remain anonymous, told the Times. “For instance, did you know that shoes are actually the real hats?” He went on to say that the deep intellectual depth required to explain the factual reality of shoes being hats “could take a trilogy of films that could each run for three or four hours in length.”
“I’ll tell you this: Nike is going to have a lot of explaining to do,” he added.
Nike did not immediately respond to request for comment on the intimation by Disney that they are in fact a hat company.
The Times spoke with clothing industry analyst Moses Diamondstein who said that if shown to be true, “the revelation that Nike has been selling shoes that are actually hats could virulently devastate stock prices and potentially sink them entirely.”
Although he said he was too busy to talk on the phone, D’Souza told the Times via Snapchat that he is “ecstatic about the fact that the truth-seekers at Disney have recognized the brilliance behind the idea that most things are somehow the opposite of the thing that they are,” noting that upon signing the contract for 70 “Opposoverse” films, he went out and bought a $20,000 watch and an ostrich jacket, and is in the process of closing on a beach house in Boca.
He added: “don’t worry, I’ll pay my taxes on this hot new stuff,” and included a “XD”-type smiling emoji. This was an apparent reference to Bob Manafort, who is presently being prosecuted for conspiring with Vladimir Putin to not pay taxes on an ostrich jacket and other items.
With some recent Marvel and Star Wars films failing to meet studio expectations at the box office, the Opposoverse maybe be just what Disney needs to get American and international audiences flocking back to theaters.
“People enjoy films that make them think,” said Iger.
Here’s to hoping that the opposite of that isn’t true.
