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It’s high time someone addressed the role that pizza ovens are playing in changing the weather.
I’ll tell you what: I’ve had some hot, hot pizzas in my day. Some have even burned the roof of my mouth.
There is no way that something that hot is not changing global weather patterns, and heating this bitch out.
The New York City Department of Environmental Protection is reportedly drafting a rule that would require restaurants with brick and wood-fired ovens installed before 2016 to reduce their carbon emissions by up to 75%.
The new rules being drafted would require these restaurants to assess the practicality of installing an emission control device to reduce emissions by 75%.
The report says if the 75% reduction is not feasible or a control device is unable to be installed, the restaurant must reduce emissions by at least 25% or provide an explanation for why controls cannot be installed. A city official said under 100 restaurants in New York City would be affected by the proposed rule, as initially reported by the New York Post.
The new rule would apply to restaurants that had a brick or wood-fired oven installed before 2016, as a law passed in 2015 and enacted a year later already subjected newly installed ovens to meet the emissions standards. An advisory board, which included restaurants with these types of ovens, helped propose new rules for those not affected by the 2015 law.
“All New Yorkers deserve to breathe healthy air, and wood- and coal-fired stoves are among the largest contributors of harmful pollutants in neighborhoods with poor air quality,” Department of Environmental Protection spokesman Ted Timbers told the Washington Examiner in a statement.
“This common-sense rule, developed with restaurant and environmental justice groups, requires a professional review of whether installing emission controls is feasible,” Timbers added.
The fact that they use the term “environmental justice” means that they are suggesting that the pizza ovens are racists.
I have known this for a long, long time.
Years ago, I was with a friend of color at a wood fired pizza joint, and he started crying. I then looked over and saw that the oven was laughing at him, and the crackling sounds from the fire could not be mistaken: “nigger, nigger, nigger,” the oven hissed.
If it were up to me, we would ban pizza altogether, to change the weather (turn the realm into a solid sheet of ice) and to help soothe the wounds of slavery on black Americans.
The other thing that the media will never tell you: whenever a Jew sees a wood fired pizza oven, he is reminded of the 1.2 million people who were cremated in three repurposed pizza ovens at Auschwitz.
Jews would be invited in for a haircut and a hot slice of New York style pizza, only to end up burned into ashes with wood in less than 3 minutes.
(Note: I know these jokes aren’t funny, but I worked really hard yesterday and for the three days before that. Cut me some slack.)
