Robinhood Announces They Received $1 Billion in Bribe Money for Shutting Down Redditors

I’m so sick of hearing about GameStop.

But literally announcing “yeah, we got bribed, lol” is very funny.

A lot of people on TV were saying that it was possibly illegal for Robinhood to block people from buying GameStop stocks.

“Why would they do that?” people were asking.

Well, the reason that they did it was revealed today.

Reuters:

Online broker Robinhood has raised more than $1 billion of fresh capital from existing investors, having been strained by high volumes of trading this week and raising the ire of customers, celebrities and politicians for curbing the purchase of some hot stocks.

Robinhood’s existing investors include venture capital firms Sequoia Capital and Ribbit Capital, who came together on Thursday night to offer the emergency funding, according to a New York Times report.

Reuters could not immediately verify if Sequoia and Ribbit helped with the emergency infusion.

“We’re pleased to share that we’ve raised over $1 billion from existing investors to continue to invest in record growth. This is a strong sign of confidence from investors that will help us continue to further serve our customers,” a Robinhood spokeswoman said in an email.

The firm has also tapped a credit line so that it has funds to ensure trading continuity when it lifts the rules.

The latest funding comes at a crucial time for Robinhood, which is also preparing for a high-profile initial public offering this year. Recent developments raise questions on whether the company will push forward with those plans.

This is so obviously bribe money, that the fact that they announced it right in the middle of the storm about cockblocking people from buying stocks demonstrates what these Jews think of you. They are publicly humiliating you.

Wall Street Jews were looking at this situation, seeing that they were in a spot where they could potentially lose infinity money if reddit autists had the nerve to stay strong in the face of potentially losing tens of thousands or millions of dollars.

So, they looked at the most obvious thing in the room: virtually everyone on reddit was using the same app, Robinhood, to buy GameStop stock. So, they called up Robinhood and said “we will give you a billion dollars if you shut it down. Also, we’ll make sure the government doesn’t punish you for this.”

That emo Bulgarian was like “rock on, dudes!”

It’s still going to be a tough row to hoe.

Maybe they should change their name to “Sheriff of Nottingham” and turn themselves into an internet censorship lobbying group. The SPLC isn’t around anymore, and that’s a big market.

They can specialize in “identifying and mitigating anti-Semitism in the financial sector.”