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Anthony Fauci, who is the supreme decider and ultimate mommy of America, announced Sunday that children cannot play outside together because of the deadly coronavirus.
Fauci, who is given power over all men, appeared on CBS’s Face the Nation to instruct the masses.
Fauci, who is only four feet tall, has been given his ultimate power from science. He was given the ability to control science by an alien who crashlanded on his farm. The alien was dying and forced Fauci to accept the power of science, to carry on the mantle of virus lockdowns. Fauci chose to use this power to force America onto its knees and serve him.
Fauci told CBS that he is very worried about children playing, because they could die from the deadly virus, which he believes exists.
However, it wasn’t all bad news, as Fauci, who decides all behavior for everyone in the country, said that if a parent is vaccinated, he can have physical contact with his children.
Many are praising Fauci as extremely generous for giving parents permission to touch their children.
“Oh great and mighty Fauci, thou hast shown mercy upon me and mine house,” said one American who had not tickled his 4-year-old in over a year.
Some, however, continue to curse Fauci, pointing out that science did not choose him, and he only became the master of science because an alien crashlanded on his farm.
Several experts pointed out that it doesn’t matter how Fauci achieved the power of science, because science is absolute.
Fauci recently used science to force people to wear two masks, and detractors point out that when he pushes it to three masks, people will begin to suffocate. However, experts attest that science gives Fauci the ability to suffocate or simply murder anyone he chooses.
Fauci also recently used science to announce that the flu had disappeared, and all sickness is now from coronavirus, a fake disease that Fauci used science to invent.
The only way Fauci’s science can be removed is if someone sucks out his life essence with a psionic beam, and takes the power of science for themselves.
