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The Shadow People epidemic is getting totally out of control.
Shadow People – also known as “Porch Pirates” now, apparently, and formerly known as “Porch Monkeys” – are a mysterious phenomenon. The only thing we know is that they are creatures seemingly totally devoid of shape, who appear simply as a dark mass. They appear only to commit crimes, and then disappear into the shadows.
Doorbell footage obtained by WRIC captured a man approaching a delivery driver as she walked toward a home in Chesterfield, Virginia, holding a package containing an iPad.
At the last second, the bold bandit snatches the package right out of her hands and bolts off to his car – a white BMW, no less.
The homeowner, Jessica Saenz, was working at home at the time of the shocking Thursday heist.
“I was in a meeting and then the FedEx lady started knocking on my door like, really hard,” Saenz told the news outlet. “I’m like, ‘What’s going on?’”
The worker then delivered the bad news about the Apple device.
When Saenz checked the surveillance video, she saw the thief telling the FedEx employee that he lived at the residence before swooping in for the grab.
In these stills from the above video, you can see the colorless void creature has thrown on a white shirt and some slacks. It also wears its pants below the ass, and lets the ass hang out, apparently to imitate a baboon.
Just as science has been unable to explain discover what a woman is, it’s been unable to discover the origin of these creatures. (Remember though – we still need scientists, because they have a plan to change the weather using windmills.)
Even as many retail stores are being forced to close due to the encroachment of these beings, we are left unable to discern if they are creatures from another dimension or space aliens. Whatever they are, it’s clear that they are obsessed with collecting material objects – and they do not like paying for them!
