World Shocked to Find Out Woke Right Leader Glenn Greenwald is a Gay

The world was shocked this week when it was revealed that woke right journalist Glenn Greenwald is a gay. For those who don’t know, a gay is a man who rams his penis into another man’s a-hole, and/or (usually “or” but maybe sometimes “and”) allows other men to do this to his a-hole. In this context, “a-hole” means “asshole” or “anushole.” This is the hole in your butt that poop comes out of, so many people think it is very gross to shove a penis into it. It’s also the case that they sometimes shove other objects in, including fists.

Many were shocked last year when Glenn’s roommate, a man of only 37 years, died of an asshole (“a-hole”) infection. In hindsight, many are wondering if his roommate could have also been a gay, and that this sort of anal-ramming could have played a role in this asshole infection.

The world of internet politics was sent into a whirlwind as a result of the revelation of Glenn’s gayness, with one of his colleagues who preferred to remain anonymous telling CNN “I can’t believe he’s been a faggot this whole time.” It’s also led to a wave of paranoia among the woke right movement, with many now wondering who else could be a gay.

Although Twitter has strict censorship rules regarding what people are allowed to say about Jews and Israel, Elon Musk has decided to led people spam this gay sex video, because Musk believes it is very important that everyone sees it. Hate speech, including criticism of Israel for mass-murdering children, has no place in the public discourse, Musk believes, but gay porn is very important for the purposes of transparency, because of ethics.

Unfortunately for Glenn, in about 6 months, no one is going to be able to tell if a sex tape is real or faked with AI. Some have noted that having a sex tape drop at this point is like being the soldier who gets shot an hour before the peace treaty is signed.

Glenn’s mother told the New York Times that she had no idea her son was “a faggot” (a derogatory term for a homosexual) and thanked Elon Musk for exposing his sickening proclivities by allowing people to spam the gay porn video all over Twitter. Donald Trump also thanked Elon for being a “bastion of free speech” in statements made during his daily meeting about how to further restrict criticism of the Jews by taking over universities, deporting Israel critics, and sending people to prison for not buying enough Jewish products.

“There are a lot of homos and they’re really doing it nasty, and the woke is trying to stop the freedom of speech online, trying to prevent the people from seeing Hunter Biden’s porn films, trying to prevent woke anti-semite Gaywald from being exposed as a queerbait, and we are thankful to Elon for getting the truth out there and all the work he’s done with DOGE to create this Big Beautiful Bill that protects our military and our social securities.”

Musk clarified that DOGE was not responsible for the spending bill before thanking the president for assisting him in spreading gay porn and confirming that the way to stop the woke right is to post their porno videos.