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Luis Castillo
Daily Stormer
October 20, 2018
The Beaner Fighting Championship of the year is GOING DOWN.
But who are these low-IQ combatants, who are about to face off for our entertainment?
In a Daily Stormer Beaner Fight exclusive, we went behind the scenes to interview the borderline-retarded personalities behind this epic clash of the under-evolved.
In the brown corner, we have Mexico.
Left: Mexico. Right: His coach, Koko the gorilla.
Mexico was mostly unconscious for the pre-fight interview due to alcohol abuse, and responded only to our questions with guttural sounds – but his coach helped to translate his statement.
According to Koko, “Mexico was never planning on winning this fight, not that he could have won it, anyway. Mexico is notoriously lazy, he’s not that good, and he just doesn’t train that hard. He just wants to get paid, and take his siestas. Mexico can’t even deal with his big brother, the cartels – so it’s not realistic to expect him to fight at this level.”
We were surprised at the quality of the coach’s sign language, who seemed to infer a great deal of depth from Mexico’s original statement, “I think I’m going to puke.”
Koko, who seemed distressed but not surprised, continued to sign to our interpreter.
“However, Mexico is more than willing to get abused on the world stage for money, and that is exactly what the fight promotor, President Trump, threatened Mexico into doing. According to the President, the whole world wanted to see the beaner fight, and if Mexico didn’t do it, President Trump would cut off tequila aid, and impose tariffs. Mexico is just hoping to just throw this fight as gracefully as possible.”
It seems now that that won’t be possible.
In the other brown corner, we have the challenger Honduras.
We spoke to Honduras – who, upon seeing a Mexican in the background, attempted to charge at him, screaming “Allahu Akbar!” with feral, nigger-like zeal in his eyes.
Honduras.
Honduras’ friend and teammate, Guatemala, had to hold him back to prevent him from running at the Mexican and activating the suicide bomb that he had in his giant yellow wig.
Guatemala explained that Honduras’ behavior was caused by “snorting too many lines of Super Male Vitality.”
Honduras’ statements seemed to be either Arabic or some sort of Mayan-Spanish creole, though the words “Durka Durka, Mohammad Jihad” could be heard in his torrent of guttural barbarian-speak. Guatemala explained that he was intent on “changing Mexico’s face,” and that he had “nothing to lose.”
Before the fight was scheduled to begin, Honduras brought about 4,000 of his teammates with him and attempted to jump over the barricades and attack everyone.
Before they could reach the barricades, however, one of them jumped off the bridge. Then another one jumped off the bridge, because he reasoned that it was a good idea – since the first Honduran had jumped off the bridge.
A group-think driven cascade of jumping off bridges ensued.
The age-old rhetorical question, “If all of your friends jumped off a bridge, would you do it, too?” was discovered to be not rhetorical, and was finally answered.
Caos en la frontera entre Guatemala y México. Soldados mexicanos impiden el paso de cientos de migrantes. Desesperados, muchos se lanzan de un puente al río Suchiate. @TelemundoHou @EdgarMunozS pic.twitter.com/XRi90mnWGr
— Crystal Ayala (@CrystalKTMD) October 19, 2018
It was not clear why they did this.
Hundreds of Honduran migrants broke through a Guatemalan border barrier and forced their way onto Mexican territory Friday, as riot police tried to keep them from advancing past a border bridge and continuing their trek toward the US.
Multiple migrants, federal police and journalists were wounded as the crowd hurled rocks and other objects at the security cordon on the Mexican side, an AFP correspondent said.
Chanting “Yes we can!” and “Mexico! Mexico!” hundreds of migrants climbed or violently tore down a series of barriers leading to the final fence and police line on Mexico’s southern border.
Within the first twelve seconds, Mexico attempted to tap out and just get his prize money.
“We ask you to please name a committee to hold a dialogue with officials from the National Migration Institute. Don’t continue putting women’s and children’s lives at risk,” a Mexican official pleaded with them through a bullhorn.
Honduras was not having any of that shit.
Weaponized babies were deployed.
The migrants could be seen passing babies overhead through the crowd, as women holding crying children by the hand or pressing their infants to their chests streamed past the broken metal barriers and onto the bridge.
“Open please!” one woman said through tears at the final barrier, carrying a baby in her arms.
“The children are suffocating,” said a young man.
Honduras then proceeded to prostrate himself in adoration of Monster Energy Drink – while dressed as a clown.
It is not clear whether Allah was honored or mocked by this display.
“We’re going to get in! We’re going to get in together!” shouted another young man as the migrant caravan — whose journey has triggered escalating anti-immigrant rhetoric from President Donald Trump ahead of congressional elections — massed on the bridge.
Honduras then proceeded to beat Mexico into unconsciousness.
The referee reportedly fled the scene.
Wild-eyed with the jubilation of victory over the lazy, uncommitted opponent, Honduras then stated that he was “coming for” the U.S. Border Patrol next, and began pumping his fist into the air.
The fist-pumping, however, quickly became gay and retarded.
The U.S. Border Patrol had this to say:
“Beating Mexico doesn’t prove anything – even Canada could do that. Honduras is good at Beaner fights, and he should stick to it. He’s not good at my game. In my game, we put people in cages. Honduras doesn’t know how to deal with being put in a cage – that’s how U.S. Border Patrol handles things.”
“Honduras is a punk-ass bitch. just like Mexico.” he continued. “He wants to get the shit beaten out of him for money, and I’m happy to oblige.”
“I may well be a nigger,” U.S. Border Patrol added, “but at least I’m not a squat, smelly, retard-eyed subamerican.”
