CNN: Fattest Star Eats Its Brother to Get to be the Fattest Ever

When you see that CNN has a section called “SPACE’S NEXT CHAPTER,” and that it’s written by some stupid bimbo named “Ashley,” it really makes you want to start believing in the flat earth.

“Ashley.”

I literally think I went to high school with that bitch; now she’s lecturing me about black holes. She needs a lecture about black holes, if I’m just being honest with you, frankly.

CNN:

Astronomers have spied a “black widow” lurking in space 3,000 light-years from Earth, and it’s a record-breaking cosmic object.

Called a neutron star, the dense, collapsed remnants of a massive star weighs more than twice the mass of our sun, making it the heaviest neutron star known to date. The object spins 707 times per second, which also makes it one of the fastest-spinning neutron stars in the Milky Way.

The neutron star is known as a black widow because, much like these arachnids known for female spiders that consume much smaller male partners after mating, the star has shredded and devoured almost the entire mass of its companion star.

They should call it “Ashley, The High School Slut.”

They should send the Atlantic to interview it.

This stellar feast has allowed the black widow to become the heaviest neutron star observed so far.

The Astrophysical Journal Letters published a study detailing the findings on Monday.

Astronomers were able to weigh the star, called PSR J0952-0607, by using the sensitive Keck telescope at the W. M. Keck Observatory on Maunakea in Hawaii.

They didn’t weigh the star.

Shut up, you dumb bitch.

It should be “so and so claimed” to weigh a star.

You don’t know if they weighed a star with a sensitive Keck telescope at the W. M. Keck Observatory.

They should use that to weigh your fat ass for proof of its accuracy, Ashley.

I’m guessing about 145.

Time to calibrate the sensitive Keck, you trollop.