The more I learn about Adolf Hitler, the more I become convinced that Satan answers to him.
Seriously, this one-testicled tyrant did it all: he started a world war in which over 60 million people perished, molested his own niece and, worst of all, ordered the extermination of six million Jews because an Ashkenazi art dealer once described his paintings as “a little stiff.”
But if you thought that Hitler’s crimes ended there, you’re wrong. The level of evil to which this blue-eyed German sunk is as boundless as the forests of Bavaria.
For example, did you know that Hitler recruited actual werewolves into the Nazi party to maximize the civilian death count? I didn’t know that either, but an author named Eric Kurlander provides convincing evidence for it.
The evil dictator has been known to use mythological names to attempt to frighten allied forces.
A group of soldiers from his youth ranks were labelled “Hitler’s Werewolves”, and were trained to be “monsters’ on the battlefield.
But new evidence from Nazi Germany has suggested this ran deeper, with Hitler actually convincing soldiers that these mythical beings existed and were part of the army.
Author of Hitler’s Monsters, Eric Scholander, claims Hitler used legends of mythical beasts to rouse the German people into backing him.
He told Vice: “There’s evidence that many Germans and certainly some leading Nazis believed in supernatural beings and forces.
“For the Nazis, however, there were good monsters like the werewolves – folkloric monsters of blood and soil who protected the nation at times of stress.
“And there were bad monsters, like vampires, who were never merely metaphorical.”
It is also possible that this werewolf ideology spread to Russia, with soviet soldiers being sent into the forest to kill any werewolves they should find.
I have to make a confession here: even though I always trusted the Jewish accounts of World War II (I believe in physiognomy, and Jews always looked more honest than Germans to me), I often wondered if Jews exaggerated the “six million” number.
I mean, how is it possible for ordinary men to exterminate thousands of Jews every day using gas chambers?
Now, it all makes sense: these were not ordinary men.
If the SS were packed to the brim with werewolves, then many of those werewolves would also be stationed at Auschwitz – the perfect place to kill, eat and experiment on millions of Jews with impunity.
It’s quite ironic, really. Neo-Nazis claim that Jews lied about the gas chambers to exaggerate their suffering and increase German guilt, but in reality, Jews covered up the true story of the Holocaust to defend Germans from further vilification.
Thank God the forces of good triumphed over evil during World War II, or we’d all be howling at the moon right now.