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Shmuley Ben Shekelheim
The New Yorker
October 3, 2018
Brett Kavanaugh was caught by his own mother committing an act of masturbation in 1977.
In a shocking new development in the ongoing drama of the Brett Kavanaugh Supreme Court nomination, the FBI is now interviewing witnesses about an incident in 1977 when, at the age of 12, Brett Kavanaugh’s mother caught him masturbating in his bedroom.
Fierce debate has once again flared up around the nominee to the nation’s highest court, with Democrats arguing that a masturbator cannot possibly be placed on the nation’s highest court.
Diane Feinstein, citing scientific studies, told The New Yorker: “masturbation is proven to cause blindness … can we really expect a man who is willing to risk his own eyesight for a few seconds of pleasure to deal responsibly on this nation’s highest court?”
Kavanaugh’s mother refused to give comment to The New Yorker, but did confirm she had spoken to the FBI about it.
The Kavanaugh family’s neighbor at the time, Jim Strapper, contacted the FBI earlier this week to report the 1977 masturbation incident, and was subsequently interviewed by the Bureau. Strapper had knowledge of the incident because Kavanaugh himself told him about it, the former neighbor told CNN’s Chris Cuomo.
“I guess he had a guilty conscience,” Strapper said. “Sometimes, you do something like this, you just need to get it off your chest, and so Brett came to me – no pun intended.”
“Did he tell you what kind of hand stroke he was using? Was it a three-finger stroke, or a full-fisted jerk?” Cuomo asked.
Strapper said that Kavanaugh had not revealed that detail to him.
“Do you know if it was a soft stroke or a rough stroke?” Cuomo went on to ask.
“He didn’t say, but knowing Brett, I’d wager it was a real rough stroke, Chris,” Strapper told the CNN official.
“I can see that,” Cuomo said. “I can certainly see that in my mind – a real hard, rough stroke. And the Republicans want us to believe this man is fit for the nation’s highest court.”
Strapper further divulged to the FBI that Kavanaugh was stroking it to an issue of Playboy magazine, which he had paid a homeless man a dollar to buy for him to use in his disreputable act. The FBI was able to track down the homeless man, John Wallinger, a Vietnam veteran, but were unable to interview him because he is in a coma.
Twitter CEO Jack Dorsey announced that they had banned Wallinger’s account, so that if he ever wakes up from the coma, he won’t be able to spread pro-masturbation material on the social media site.
Perhaps the most shocking part of the incident was Kavanaugh’s own response. When contacted by The New Yorker for comment, he said: “Yes, I jerked off. I still jerk off. I like jerking off.” The Supreme Court nominee then went on to ask this reporter if he jerks off.
Beyond speaking to the character of the man, the revelation that Brett Kavanaugh is a masturbator could potentially cloud his ability to rule on matters regarding masturbation while serving on the nation’s highest court.
