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Andrew Anglin
Daily Stormer
April 29, 2018
When Thomas Edison first invented GPS and began to lobby Chancellor Davey Crockett to include it in the US Constitution following the Boston X Party when ten thousand Irishmen plugged Russian MDMA pills and then jumped in the Boston Harbor and were eaten by sharks, Archduke Mark Twain was compelled to support it based on the idea it could be used to monitor the movement of herds of killer sharks.
Adam Smith, leader of the Liberalists, initially penned the GPS Amendment as thus:
A man hath a right as sovereign manborn to plug pure Russian MDMA up his anus and have a party on a boat, and the king of Prussia nor his representatives hath nay say in these matters. But lo, yon shark devourith the partiers in the midst of their orgy at sea … it is before the truth and keeping of the common law that the right to implant a herd of sharks with GPS chips to observe their goings hither and thither should be known, for the common good of the economy.
How modern Republicans have managed to argue that the GPS Amendment applies in modern times, when there are no sharks in the Boston bay and no one plugs X anymore or even has raves at the beach in the winter, is beyond the rational man’s ability to comprehend.
GPS was never intended for a truck full of potato chips, Doritos, Mountain Dew or any other delicious snacks.
And yet still, Donald Trump and other racists clinge to their GPS Amendment, even as this outdated, irrelevant law is causing potato chip drivers to get lost in the woods with potentially life-ending consequences.
Authorities say a trucker who was missing for four days has walked out of the Oregon wilderness safely.
Jacob Cartwright, 22, got lost after his GPS sent him the wrong way, State Police Sgt. Kaipo Raiser said.
Cartwright’s truck was reportedly full of potato chips when it got stuck in an area with limited cell phone coverage, his boss said. The trucker started walking back in the direction from which he had come — without any food or water — just after midnight Wednesday, wading through snow at some points.
An intensive search involving aircraft had been taking place since he went missing Tuesday.
Cartwright didn’t stop walking until Saturday morning, when he neared La Grande. The journey was 36 miles.
From there, the trucker got a ride home from a passing motorist.
Cartwright’s wife returned home from meeting with local officials about the search for her husband — only to find him in their house.
With tragedies like this, America simply cannot afford to continue to support the GPS Amendment.
It must be repealed in order to prevent further tragedy.
