Daily Stormer The Most Censored Publication in History
Andrew Anglin
Daily Stormer
September 6, 2017
Atlanta, Georgia: The City of Minus 1000 fucks
After searching long and hard for a new domain, we landed in the A-T-L, motherfuckers.
I put out a call for a nation to give refuge to the site, and heard nothing.
Then, at 5 AM this morning, I picked up my cell and heard: “Yo dawg, is Kasim, and I ain’t no muffuggen nation, but I sure as fuck be a city.”
And I was like: “Wait – what?”
And then he was like: “This is Kasim Reed, bitch! I got yo ass!”
“Are you a basketball player?”
“Bitch I’m the muffuggin Mayor of A-Town, and we be botta swoop in and getcho ass, because I be done past fed-up with these creepy-ass yids.”
Kasim Reed, Mayor of Atlanta
“So you’re saying…”
“Yes, motherfucker! Daily Stomper is comin to the A-T-L! Get yo ass to the Skyline Lounge at 1 AM tonight, and we’re gonna party down like a motherfucker! All party favors provided by the City of Atlanta! You read me, my man?”
“Oh I read ya just fine.”
“Motherfucka I’m talkin about cocaine! C-O-A-I-N. We got green like you ain’t never seen, we got pills, we got hoes with basketball titties – we gots all kindsa motherfucken shit out here in A-Town! We bringin back the Stomper and it’s fuckin party time in the A-T-L! Fuck dem hook-nose faggots! And fuck the Google. I got a cousin used ta contract doin heating and cooling at dey ATL office, he got all kinds of fucked over. Some chinky bitch say he grab her titties, bitch ain’t even had not titties ta grab. Gnomesane? I say fuck all these bitches, we botta throw down! We gonna fuck they shit up! A-Town, motherfucka – you don’t mess with it! Yo hol up I got a bitch on the line, you talk to my main man here.”
He then passed the phone to a white man who said, “Mr. Anglin? Yes, my name is Jerry Thomas, Mr. Reed’s assistant. Not sure if you got all that or not, but the Mayor of Atlanta is offering to register your website under the .at TLD, which his office has full authority over. We can’t guarantee that the domain will hold, given that you are clearly under pressure from the federal government, but Mr. Reed wants to do what he can to help you out. He doesn’t read much news, but he has a deep-rooted hatred for Jews, due to various experiences with landlords and record producers.”
“Okay,” I said. “Do I really need to come get high with him at the Skyline Lounge in order to seal the deal?”
“No sir. In fact, I would advise against it. Mr. Reed’s late night business meetings at the Skyline Lounge often get quite rowdy. It’s a very… urban environment, which may make you uncomfortable. I would also assume you don’t have much of a desire to fly to Atlanta tonight in order to do schedule 1 drugs with the Mayor.”
I then heard the Mayor yelling in the background, “dat boy gotta drop dat verse,” and Jerry said: “Oh, while you can definitely skip the drug party tonight, the Mayor has asked that you sing a song with his friend ‘Gucci Mane.’ I’m not sure how familiar you are with urban music, but -”
“-Oh I know Gucci,” I interrupted. “And yeah, I’m totally down to drop a verse on his next mixtape.”
“Very well then. Send me the A records, and we’ll get your domain up this afternoon.”
Gucci Mane, Atlanta’s favorite son. That Electronic Arts tattoo stands for “East Atlanta.”
And that was that.
The domain was secured.
And we are back on the real internet.
