Daily Stormer The Most Censored Publication in History
Andrew Anglin
Daily Stormer
August 2, 2015
German Chancellor Angela Merkel is running again in 2017, pitting herself once again against her long-time political rival Adolf Hitler.
Most Germans have said that they would never vote for Hitler again because he gassed all those Jews, leading analysts to assume Merkel will sail into a fourth term with little resistance.
Chancellor Angela Merkel, who has ruled Germany since 2005, has decided to run for a fourth term and has started planning her 2017 re-election campaign, according to Der Spiegel news magazine.
Merkel, who turned 61 on July 17, has not made any public comments about whether she would run for a fourth term, although she did hint in a speech in Cologne last year she would stand again.
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In a country that cherishes stability after the Weimar Republic’s chaos contributed to Hitler’s rise, Merkel is only the eighth post-war chancellor. Her CDU has no obvious successor.
Adolf Hitler has been losing elections in Germany ever since 1945, when it was discovered that he had gassed six million Jews on purpose for no reason.
German citizen Hans Schumer was asked who he would be voting for in 2017, and he said that though he “likes someone of Hitler’s economic policies,” he does not agree with gassing the six million, and so will probably vote for Merkel instead.
German political commentator Shekels Goldstein says there is virtually no chance of Hitler beating Merkel in 2017.
“Hitler just keeps on running in these elections, he’s been doing it for 70 years” Goldstein told the Daily Stormer, “Despite his charisma and supposedly sound economic policy, the people just don’t feel comfortable allowing a man who purposefully gassed the six million to rule the country.”
Hitler has already begun campaigning aggressively for the 2017 election, focusing on strengthening the military, abolishing the EU and stopping the flow of immigrants into Germany.
One of the reasons Hitler has had so much trouble getting reelected over the last 70 years is that he continues to refuse to make a pledge to not gas millions of Jews if he is voted back in. Appearing recently on a German talk show, Hitler again refused to state plainly that if elected he would not gas millions.
Partial Transcript:
Interviewer: Hitler, you’re 127-years-old, you’ve been losing elections for 70 years, but you say you’re going to run again in 2017. What makes you think this time is going to be different? Isn’t it maybe time to give up and retire from politics?
Hitler: No, Tom, I don’t think so. The country is in a lot of trouble, Tom, and I think the German people are ready to give me another shot at fixing things. The lying Jew media keeps claiming Merkel is so popular, but I travel all over Germany, Tom – I go all around – and people are not happy with the way things are going. They want a change, and the name “Hitler” is synonymous with change.
Interviewer: Hitler. The main reason that people don’t feel comfortable voting for you, even while they like your economic policies, is that last time you were Chancellor, you gassed millions of Jews. Many of them you turned into lampshades.
Hitler: Well, Tom, we were in a war, and the situation, you know, there were a lot of factors to consider. Germany was undergoing a serious lampshade shortage at the time. I did what I thought was best, Tom.
Interviewer: Hitler. Are you prepared, right now, to pledge that if you are elected as Chancellor of Germany, you won’t gas millions of Jews and turn them into lampshades?
Hitler: I have no specific plans to gas millions of Jews and turn them into lampshades upon my reelection, Tom.
Interviewer: I’m not asking about specific plans, Hitler. I’m asking you – because the German people want to know – are you willing to make a promise to the people of this country that you will not gas millions, or turn anyone into a lampshade?
Hitler: Well, you know, I don’t really like to make promises about things I can’t foresee for certain, Tom. Right now, Germany has plenty of lampshades, but is that situation stable? Will the lampshade industry remain uninterrupted, during this time of global economic crisis? No one can say for certain, Tom, so I can’t make promises about things I don’t know about.
Hiter then looks directly at the camera and begins winking.
Interviewer: Well, what about the migrant crisis? A lot of people agree with you that we need to stem the flow of Africans into Germany, but fear that some of your recent rhetoric on immigration has been divisive, if not outright racist. And given your past history running Germany, people worry you might be overly strict with the asylum seekers, some have suggested you might even turn them into lampshades.
Would you lampshade immigrants, if you had the chance?
Hitler: Tom, immigration is a serious problem in this country, and the people are fed up with it, they’re fed up with the Jews behind it. I go all over Germany and I talk to people. Merkel’s view on the asylum seeker situation does not represent popular opinion.
A lot of these asylum seekers are getting off the boats carrying iPhones and claiming to be poor. I don’t even have an iPhone, Tom.
Hitler reaches into his pocket and pulls out a Nokia handset, circa 2004.
Interviewer: Yes, Hitler, we all know about your “simple man” image, and your claims that Africans coming into Germany are not really in need of refuge. And polls show that a lot of people do agree with you that there are too many Africans coming to Germany. But you didn’t answer the question, Hitler.
Upon reelection as Chancellor of Germany, would you turn African asylum seekers into lampshades?
Hitler: Like I say, Tom, I have no specific plans to turn anyone into a lampshade if I am reelected as German Chancellor.
Hitler again looks directly into the camera and begins winking.
Interviewer: Hitler, I notice that you are doing a lot of winking into the camera. Does that winking imply that your statements are disingenuous and that you in fact do have a plan to gas and lampshade Jews and immigrants?
Hitler: No, Tom, I don’t think that means that at all.
Once more, Hitler looks directly into the camera and winks repeatedly.
