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Sven Longshanks
Daily Stormer
October 18, 2014
For some reason, the National Institutes of Health did not even attempt to develop a vaccine for Ebola. On Monday, they blamed a tight budget, saying – and I quote – “there isn’t to many shekels, goyim!”
They did have money, however, for some projects which were way more important.
The projects included $2.4 million to develop ‘origami’ condoms designed with Japanese folding paper in mind, and $939,000 to find out that male fruit flies prefer to romance younger females because the girl-flies’ hormone levels drop over time.
Other winners of NIH grants consumed $325,000 to learn that marriages are happier when wives calm down more quickly during arguments with their husbands, and $257,000 to make an online game as a companion to first lady Michelle Obama’s White House garden.
The agency also spent $117,000 in taxpayers’ grant dollars to discover that most chimpanzees are right-handed.
The same group of scientists determined, at a cost of $592,000for NIH, that chimps with the best poop-throwing skills are also the best communicators. But while flinging feces might get another primate’s attention in the wild, they discovered, it’s not much good in captivity.
‘I’ve never in my life seen a chimp be given a banana for throwing s**t at someone,’ Emory University psychologist Bill Hopkins told Wired magazine.
The marital-argument research, conducted at Stanford and Northwestern Universities, involved 82 couples and found that when wives ‘downregulated’ their negative emotions during a spat, both partners had ‘greater marital satisfaction over time.’ Not so for men who held their tongues, however.
Part of a $666,000 NIH grant supported a University of Buffalo researcher who determined that watching sitcom reruns like ‘Seinfeld’ or re-watching old movies helps older people feel re-connected with pseudo-friends from their past.
Another outlay of $181,000 went to University of Kentucky researchers who studied how cocaine use ‘enhanced’ the sex drive of the Japanese quail.
The researchers’ website explains that they chose the birds because they ‘readily engage in reproductive behavior in the laboratory’ and ‘provide a convenient and interesting alternative to standard laboratory rats and pigeons.’
The real question is not “why did they do this instead of create an Ebola vaccine?” but “why had I never head about these cocaine quail, and when will they be doing a documentary and/or a Saturday morning cartoon show on their escapades?”
