Shock of the Week: Deranged Eurovision Transvestite Admits to Having AIDS

Remember Conchita Wurst, the “bearded woman” who won the 2014 Eurovision Song Contest?

It turns out that he has AIDS.

I know, no one I knew could believe it either. I pitched this article to Anglin and he was like “what? no way is that true” and I was like “seriously, it’s all over the news” and he was like “show me.”

After showing him not one, not two, but seven separate news reports of the story, Anglin finally accepted that it was real and muttered: “well, now I don’t know what to believe. Maybe the Holocaust happened after all.”

BBC News:

Eurovision winner Conchita Wurst says she is HIV positive, and has been receiving regular treatment for “several years”.

The 29-year-old star said she had intended to keep the information private, but an ex-boyfriend had “threatened to go public”.

“I will not give anyone the right to frighten me and influence my life,” she wrote on Instagram.

“Coming out is better than being outed by a third party.”

Wurst added that regular treatment had suppressed the virus to the extent it could no longer be detected in her blood – and could no longer be passed on.

“I hope to give others courage and to take another step against the stigmatization of people who, through their own behaviour or that of others, have become infected with HIV,” she added.

Aids charity The Terrence Higgins Trust expressed dismay that Wurst had been forced to reveal her diagnosis.

However, he praised Wurst for handling the situation “with such dignity” and attempting to “tackle the abhorrent stigma” surrounding HIV and Aids.

So this deranged rump ranger, who has presumably been sodomized by hundreds of men throughout his life, is now paying the price for his perverted and unnatural behavior.

It couldn’t happen to a more deserving target. Wurst’s performance at Eurovision 2014, and his entire appearance in general, was one of the most spiritually unclean things I’d ever seen on mainstream TV. In fact, it sickened almost everyone:

But let’s be honest: AIDS doesn’t mean much these days. Aside from being a badge of honor for a lot of fags, hence the proliferation of the “bugchasing” phenomenon, it’s also rather slow at killing them off.

Don’t get me wrong, I still respect the A-man. He’s done some good work over the decades, particularly in San Francisco, and he’s been a countless source of inspiration to some of our favorite artists:

But when we get into power, we’ll need something more reliable.

Something quicker.

Something… higher.

That’s right: rooftops.

Thousands of them, as far as the eye can see.

All put to good use.