Take That, Racists! Newspapers Celebrate the Life of Ingenious Aborigine Inventor

You know, I’ve written some mean things about Australian Aborigines in the past.

Mean and hurtful things.

I’ve said that since their average IQ is a standard deviation below that of Koko the gorilla, they should be classified as a lower species than apes. I’ve said that they spend their days huffing petrol in ditches, calling white children “cunts” if they refuse to give them spare change.

Once, when I was in a particularly bad mood, I even said they were proof that Mordor is real.

But I’ve been shown the error of my racist ways. It turns out that a large number of inventions we enjoy today, including the helicopter and the sheep shearer, were conceived by an ingenious Aborigine gentleman!

Daily Mail:

He revolutionised sheep shearing, proposed a helicopter two decades before that aircraft existed and was the first Aboriginal writer to be published.

South Australian David Unaipon has appeared on the $50 note since 1995 but it is largely forgotten he was once known as the ‘black Leonardo da Vinci’.

As well as designing and patenting an improved sheep-shearing comb, Unaipon was fascinated with the then theoretical field of lasers and the development of a still impossible perpetual motion machine.

He invented a centrifugal motor, a multi-radial wheel and a mechanical propulsion device. None of his patents made him money, probably due in large part to the racism of the time.

While Unaipon’s scientific mind was taken seriously his black skin was often considered incongruous with his fastidious speech and suit and tie.

Yep. There it is again.

The skin thing that whites are so hung up on.

Sadly, I’ve learned that history is filled with colored geniuses just like David Unaipon whose achievements were covered up by white people because they hated the color of their skin.

Heck, I have it on good word that a Nigerian-American teenager even discovered the cure for cancer – an achievement so groundbreaking that it reached the ears of President Trump himself. But when Trump learned that a “chocolate face” (his words, not mine) had discovered it, he suppressed the cure and sent the teenager back to Nigeria, leaving tens of millions of Americans to die in hospital beds.

What a great man that Blumpf is, eh?

One missionary wrote: ‘I only wish the majority of white boys were as bright, intelligent, well-instructed and well-mannered, as the little fellow I am now taking charge of.’

Ouch!

How will White Supremacists ever recover?!

A gossip item in the Adelaide Advertiser in 1930 reported an exchange Unaipon had with an employee of a department store.

‘David walked into one of the big stores in Adelaide, and as he entered one of the departments he was accosted by the manager in this fashion,’ the newspaper reported.

‘”Well, Jacky, you wantem buy big fella shirt, eh?”

In perfectly polished English the inventor replied: ‘Will you kindly direct me to the manager’s office?’

‘It was worth going a long way to see the expression on the face of the manager, who afterwards admitted that he felt a perfect fool,’ the newspaper said.

Well fuck me, that settles it. All white countries need to open their borders to the entire world right now.

Think of all the other ingenious, well-spoken blacks we’ve missed out on because of our restrictive borders and laws. If we just gave these coloreds a chance to express themselves for once, a new generation of David Unaipons will emerge and show the racists, once and for all, that race is nothing more than a social construct.