Trump Calls for Legalization of Weed for Some Reason

The kids these days are smoking a lot of marijuana. A lot. They used to call it “Devil’s Grass.” That’s what they used to call it. My father, during Woodstock, he looked out on all of these naked people having an orgy and he said “they’re smoking Satan’s Pubes.” That’s what he used to call it. Satan’s Pubes. It’s true. It’s true. So sad.

In Democrat-run cities, weed, known as marijuana, is smoked right out on the streets. Everywhere you go, you’ve got clouds of weed fumes fulminating, fumigating the place. I went to Colorado, and I had to take a shower because my hair smelled like weed. I took a shower. I was using a lotta soap. A whole lot. I was scrubbing like you’ve never seen before, you wouldn’t believe it, man was I scrubbing. I go home and my wife says “honey? Honey, I’m worried about you, have you started smoking marijuana? You smell like marijuana.”

Not good.

When I become president again, we will restore law and order in this country, and people will not be allowed to smoke weed in public and blow it in people’s faces, into their hair and clothing. We’re going to stop it. We gotta do it. We have no choice. No choice.

However, we must also recognize that people have to smoke it. They do. Some folks, oh boy, they love that reefer. Love to choke down Satan’s Pubes. So we must recognize their legal right to puffin’ stuff, so they can smoke it, and you don’t have to smoke it. You don’t have to. We need to scale back laws while also reinforcing them. We have to make America safe again, because making America safe again is how we make America great again.

We want people to smoke weed, but we want them to smoke it LEGALLY. We do not want them blowing it in our faces and stinking up the place. We’ve gotta be tough. People don’t like it when I say “we gotta be tough,” but we gotta do it.

We have no choice.