Guns to Blame for Record Suicide Numbers, The Science Says

I was going to kill myself yesterday, after a certain wizard I met on a certain ravaged beach propositioned me for gay sex.

Then I realized “wait! I let my buddy borrow my gun to threaten his wife with! I can’t possibly kill myself without a gun!”


So then I put on Whitney Houston’s “I Wanna Dance with Somebody” and danced a little jig.

Then I masturbated while crying and took a handful of Xanax, chased it down with Sky Vodka, and passed out on the floor in the bathroom.

When I woke up, I felt great about my life, and I realized: the only reason anyone ever commits suicide is because they own a gun.


About 49,500 people took their own lives last year in the U.S., the highest number ever, according to new government data posted Thursday.

The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, which posted the numbers, has not yet calculated a suicide rate for the year, but available data suggests suicides are more common in the U.S. than at any time since the dawn of World War II.

“There’s something wrong. The number should not be going up,” said Christina Wilbur, a 45-year-old Florida woman whose son shot himself to death last year.


Why would that number not be going up?

Bitch, have you seen the earth?


“My son should not have died,” she said. “I know it’s complicated, I really do. But we have to be able to do something. Something that we’re not doing. Because whatever we’re doing right now is not helping.”

A main driver is the growing availability of guns, said Jill Harkavy-Friedman, senior vice president of research at the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention.

This is literally a Jewish organization that exists to pretend to be against suicide as a way to do gun control.

It’s just…

These Jews, man.

It never ends.

Suicide attempts involving guns end in death far more often than those with other means, and gun sales have boomed — placing firearms in more and more homes.

Jill Harkavy-Friedman really cares about teen suicide and is not just taking the goyim’s guns so they don’t start [redacted]

A recent Johns Hopkins University analysis used preliminary 2022 data to calculate that the nation’s overall gun suicide rate rose last year to an all-time high. For the first time, the gun suicide rate among Black teens surpassed the rate among white teens, the researchers found.

“I don’t know if you can talk about suicide without talking about firearms,” Harkavy-Friedman said.

U.S. suicides steadily rose from the early 2000s until 2018, when the national rate hit its highest level since 1941. That year saw about 48,300 suicide deaths — or 14.2 for every 100,000 Americans.

The rate fell slightly in 2019. It dropped again in 2020, during the first year of the COVID-19 pandemic. Some experts tied that to a phenomenon seen in the early stages of wars and natural disasters, when people pull together and support each other.

But in 2021, suicides rose 4%. Last year, according to the new data, the number jumped by more than 1,000, to 49,449 — about a 3% increase vs. the year before. The provisional data comes from U.S. death certificates and is considered almost complete, but it may change slightly as death information is reviewed in the months ahead.

The largest increases were seen in older adults. Deaths rose nearly 7% in people ages 45 to 64, and more than 8% in people 65 and older. White men, in particular, have very high rates, the CDC said.

Many middle-aged and elderly people experience problems like losing a job or losing a spouse, and it’s important to reduce stigma and other obstacles to them getting assistance, said Dr. Debra Houry, the CDC’s chief medical officer.

Suicides in adults ages 25 to 44 grew about 1%. The new data indicates that suicide became the second leading cause of death in that age group in 2022, up from No. 4 in 2021.

Despite the grim statistics, some say there is reason for optimism. A national crisis line launched a year ago, meaning anyone in the U.S. can dial 988 to reach mental health specialists.

Just to be clear: there is zero attempt to confront why people are committing suicide. Instead, the “solution” is to just make them jump through more hoops to get it done.

“Jump” is a bit of a pun in that last sentence. If you feel me.

You can always kill yourself.

I mean, the availability of guns is much lower than it was a few decades ago, when people were listening to “I Wanna Dance with Somebody” and not killing themselves.

It is unbelievable, these Jews.

They completely destroy your entire civilization, then say “oy vey, looks like your kids are killing themselves for some mystery reason! We’d better take your guns!”

Snake Baker contributed to this article.