Oklahoma: Man Forced to Kill His Buddy Because He Summoned a Sasquatch

Man 1: Bro, if you summon that Sasquatch, I will literally f–king kill you.

Man 2: *Summons Sasquatch*

KTEN:

A suspect is under arrest in connection with a bizarre weekend homicide case in Pontotoc County.

The incident happened Saturday afternoon just outside the Ada city limits. Deputies said Larry Doil Sanders, 53, admitted to a family member that he had killed his friend Jimmy Knighten along the South Canadian River.

“He appeared to be under the influence of something,” Sheriff John Christian said about Sanders. “His statement was that Mr. Knighten had summoned ‘Bigfoot’ to come and kill him; that’s why he had to kill Mr. Knighten.”

“Sanders and Knighten had been noodling in the river on Saturday when a confrontation ensued,” according to a statement issued by the Oklahoma State Bureau of Investigation. “Sanders reported striking and strangling Knighten.”

The Bigfoot defense literally never works.

Another local news article says that the killer’s daughter was dating the son of the deceased. So, maybe there was a bit of family drama going on here, unrelated to the Sasquatch.

It also says that they wrastled for an hour before Sanders got the upper hand.

According to court records, “Larry claimed Jimmy was trying to feed Larry to bigfoot so Larry had to kill Jimmy,” and that Larry “believed Jimmy was trying to get away from him so that the Sasquatch could eat Larry.” Records said the two “fought on the ground for roughly an hour.”

It seems like Knighten could have summoned the Sasquatch during the hour-long melee, if in fact he had that ability.

I don’t know how you fight someone on the ground for an hour. I’ve certainly never witnessed anything of that sort in my personal existence.

The proud working people of America, folks.

Round of applause.