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It’s a slow news day.
At least this happened.
This is what happens when humans leave society to the animals because they’re scared of a non-existent plague.
It what can only be described as “the least climactic horror movie in history,” German beachgoers on the Baltic Sea were stunned as a swimming boar slowly made its way to land and began charging anyone in sight. A man, armed with a shovel, was ready for the moment and took a swing at the boar to no avail — because boars don’t care about shovels.
We’re witnessing the animals adapting once more to the return of people. Honestly, I feel for the boar. Boars never get to have a human-free day at the beach, and finally they had a few months without the flesh, disease-ridden meat bags taking up all the space, and now they’re not welcome to swim again. It’s patently unfair.
At least boars are fighting back in their own way. This is the second time in a week a boar has attacked someone in Germany. Last time it was to steal a laptop, in what I have to imagine was designed to make a strong point about humanity’s reliance on technology instead of appreciating the natural world.
Earlier this week, a wild boar and its cubs swam up to a German beach and was chased off by a fat naked man.
As an American, I am shocked and appalled by a fat old naked man at a beach, and I think the boar was sent by God to punish him for his nakedness.
