No Felony Charges for Dave Chappelle Attacker

It’s okay to attack someone if they’re anti-anal.

Obviously, you can’t just attack someone who is pro-anal. If any pro-anal person had been attacked, there would be felony charges.

But we live in a democracy guided by Ukrainian values, and that means there is a multi-tier justice system, where you are charged differently depending on the politics of your crimes.

6 ABC:

The armed man who is accused of attacking Dave Chappelle on stage at the Hollywood Bowl is now facing several misdemeanor charges related to the incident.

Earlier on Thursday, the Los Angeles County District Attorney’s office announced 23-year-old Isaiah Lee won’t face any felony charges and referred the case to the L.A. City Attorney, who only handles misdemeanors.

Lee has been charged with battery, possession of a weapon with intent to assault, and two charges related to interfering with a performer.

“This alleged attack has got to have consequences,” said L.A. City Attorney Mike Feuer in a video message. “My office takes protecting public safety extremely seriously, and we’re going to vigorously prosecute this case.”

Lee was arrested for assault with a deadly weapon shortly after tackling the comedian Tuesday night. He’s being held on $30,000 bail. It’s unclear what motivated Lee to run onto the stage.

County prosecutors determined that while criminal conduct occurred “the evidence as presented did not constitute felony conduct.”

Police said Lee was armed with a replica handgun-knife when he ran onto the stage and tackled Chappelle. Witness video shows Chappelle falling back but he managed to quickly free himself as security rushed out to grab the attacker.

According to ABC News sources, L.A. County prosecutors chose not to move forward with felony charges because Lee wasn’t brandishing the knife.

He reportedly had it in some sort of bag.

Who the hell carries a knife disguised as a gun?

This is a gag item from like, a store that sells bongs and blacklight Grateful Dead posters.

It’s no good for stabbing.