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Hit ’em where it hurts – right in the cats!
(We need to really start marking articles as “not parody.” We’re posting parody articles, and I can see how people would get confused. This story is explicitly not parody.)
First, it was Fifa, UEFA and the International Skating Union banning Russian athletes and teams from all events, followed by the International Paralympic Committee barring Russian and Belarusian athletes from competing in the upcoming Winter Paralympics.
Now, cats from Russia can’t compete in any international competition, the Federation Internationale Feline announced.
In a statement posted on their website, FIFe said any cat bred in Russia cannot be imported or registered in their pedigree book outside the country. Not only that, but any cat belonging to exhibitors living in Russia cannot enter any FIFe show outside the country, no matter where they were registered. The restrictions will be in place until May 31.
Misinformation. The cats were not banned for being Russian, they were banned for being complicit and not speaking out as public figures with a platform. This is what accountability looks like. https://t.co/uCPD2sXQvY
— River (@river_is_nice) March 3, 2022
“The FIFe Executive Board is shocked and horrified that the army of the Russian Federation invaded the Republic of Ukraine and started a war,” the statement read. “Many innocent people died, many more are wounded and hundreds of thousands of Ukrainians are forced to flee their homes to save their lives. We can all witness the destruction and chaos caused by this unprecedented act of aggression.
“The Board of FIFe feels it cannot just witness these atrocities and do nothing,” the group added.
They’re also worried that the cats could be undercover Russian agents.
Russia, being pure evil, breeds only evil cats.
The group, which calls itself the “United Nations of Cat Federations,” is an international group made up of 40 countries that regularly puts on cat shows throughout the world. Created in 1949, the group puts on over 700 shows a year, with more than 200,000 cats taking part, according to its website.
In the statement, the group said many of their cat enthusiasts are “desperately” attempting to care for their cats and other animals as Russian forces continue to invade Ukraine. The group added members of its clubs in the bordering countries of Poland, Romania, Hungary, Slovakia and Moldova are “lending a helping hand to their Ukrainian breeder friends”.
It’s just…
It’s all so gay.
Probably, this is going to be one of the most offensive attacks on Russia.
Did you know?
Russia has the highest level of cat ownership in the world.
By a large margin.
The Jewkraine also banned the import of Russian cats.
These people are going nuts.
