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Social distancing is psychological abuse.
All of your efforts and all of the things you’ve endured during this lockdown have been worth it, because now you’ll be allowed to meet with people from one other household for dinner and have a haircut!
Isn’t that great, man? Finally having a haircut and meeting with people for dinner after months of solitude. This really feels like progress.
Enjoy it while you can, because you’ll be forced back into solitary confinement once the weather gets colder.
Boris Johnson today dramatically unwound the coronavirus lockdown, declaring that pubs, haircuts and weddings can return and giving family and friends the green light to meet up indoors for the first time in months.
Throwing the dice to save the stricken economy, the PM told the Commons that England is coming out of ‘hibernation’ with bars, restaurants, cinemas and hairdressers able to get back up and running from July 4 – dubbed ‘Super Saturday’.
He announced that the social distancing rule is being halved to ‘one metre plus’ to free up thousands of business, with precautions such as face masks deployed to make sure the risks of transmission stay ‘broadly’ the same.
Staycations are also back on the agenda, with hotels, campsites and holiday cottages permitted as long as they comply with ‘Covid secure’ guidelines. Church services – including wedding ceremonies for up to 30 people – can restart, but there is a ban on singing as it poses a ‘particular’ threat of spread.
Two households will be allowed to gather indoors, in their homes or at a restaurant or museum, with no limit on numbers. Currently there is a ceiling of six people outdoors, which was seen as disadvantaging bigger families.
But they will have to observe social distancing, meaning grandparents will have to wait a bit longer to hug their grandchildren. A mooted expansion of social ‘bubbles’ to allow people to mix freely has seemingly been shelved.
Nail bars, gyms and swimming pools will also remain off limits after officials decided they are currently too dangerous to operate.
Mr Johnson insisted the overhaul has been approved by medical chief Chris Whitty and science chief Patrick Vallance. He said a ‘new but cautious optimism is palpable’ in the country, and the ‘bustle’ was returning to the streets. ‘Today we can say that our long national hibernation is beginning to come to an end.’
However, in a sign of the risks involved, Mr Johnson warned that there ‘will be flare ups’ and changes will be reversed immediately if people abuse the new rules.
‘We have been clear that our cautious relaxation of the guidance is entirely conditional on our continued defeat of the virus,’ he told MPs.
One politician shouted ‘hallelujah’ in the chamber as Mr Johnson revealed that pubs can come back.
‘Slowly but surely these changes will restore a sense of normality,’ the premier said.
They are literally training people to accept this New Normal thing, and they are training people to be thankful about the little bread crumbs they get and to understand that it can be taken away at any time.
The whole reason the lockdown was repeatedly extended after initially being framed as something that would last for a few weeks at most is that they wanted to ease people into the new lifestyle. If they had told us that we were going to be living like prisoners in our own homes for at least three months at the start, many would have had a much more energetic response.
But they lied.
They knew the lockdown was going to last far more than what anyone could have accepted at the start, and now they’ve trained people into accepting this new reality.
Whether they’re aware of it or not, most people have grown used to this house arrest lifestyle because it is virtually impossible not to get kind of used to something that lasts this long.
It’s sad to think that people will now feel happy to receive bits and pieces of the freedom they had before the lockdown.
Never forget that they’ve taken all of this from you for a totally made up reason.
Coronavirus is about as dangerous as the flu, virtually all of the people dying from it are very old, and the lockdown doesn’t even do anything to stop the spread.
It’s all a hoax.
