Upon Hearing About Pentagon Leaks Weeks After the Rest of the World, Austin Declared “Bix Nood, Muthafuka”

Apparently, after weeks of the internet knowing about the Pentagon leaks, the head of the Pentagon, Lloyd Austin, is just now getting word.

Upon hearing of the leaks, Austin said, “bix nood, muthafucka” and began grabbing his crotch aggressively. His gun was not on safety, so the aggressive crotch grabbing caused his weapon to discharge multiple times, including killing two bystanders and injuring four.

Upon seeing the audience members writing, Austin said, “nigga, this bloodbath only jus gettin goin.”

Austin then pulled a crack pipe from his uniform, and began to puff aggressively.

RT:

US Defense Secretary Lloyd Austin has said he was not made aware of a major leak of classified intelligence documents until more than a month after they first appeared online, raising questions about the government’s response as the Pentagon and Justice Department scramble to determine the origin of the breach. 

Speaking at a Tuesday press briefing alongside Secretary of State Antony Blinken and a senior official from the Philippines, Austin took an aside to address the document leak, which has dominated headlines since they were noticed by US media last week. 

Hearing that the the story has been dominating headlines, and she is just now finding out about it, Austin explained that he “ain’t got time for no bullshit,” because he “be on the grind getting paid.”

Stating the government takes the disclosures “very seriously” and had ordered an “urgent cross-department” probe, the Pentagon head also revealed that he was first briefed on the leaks on the morning of April 6 – weeks after the sensitive files first appeared online. 

Asked by a reporter how the documents could have been freely accessible online for “at least many weeks… before US intelligence knew they were in the public domain,” Austin was unable to provide a clear answer, instead reiterating that officials would conduct a thorough investigation.

He added that “bitches who be ask dem type question be find they selves be leakin, what for might find they brains popped all out the muthafuka.” He went on to say that “they keeds maybe been find all cut up and leakin out.”

Well, they were somewhere in the web, and where exactly and who had access at that point we don’t know. We simply don’t know at this point,” he said. “I will tell you that we take this very seriously and we will continue to investigate and turn over every rock until we find the source of this and the extent of it.”

A similar query addressed to Secretary Blinken was also met with a Glomar response, with the senior diplomat stating “I’m certainly not going to comment on these purported documents.

That Jew Blinken be said he ain’t know shit, he been trying to do his ritual with passover, he ain’t got no time for looking at no document. ‘

All y’all goyim, y’all crackers, what for your should shut yo mouf fo you find yo keeds be bleeding out.

Nigga ass people think they government should be take time to know what happening, but dem government got shit to do, ain’t for got time to be figure out every little gay ass thing those niggas in the citizens be think for they should be doing.

Niggas be balling, and then Jews be doing they ritual.

This ain’t no motherfukan grave, what fo they do the government.

BUT SERIOUSLY

It is totally insane that we’ve been talking about these documents for weeks now and the Secretaries of State and Defense are just now hearing about them as someone asks them about them at a press conference.

This is EXACTLY what I’ve been telling you about the fact that the government has totally lost control, and the basic competence level simply does not exist anymore.

Really, really, really: you should stop being afraid of these people.

They do not even know what the hell is going on, on the most basic level.

They are dumb niggers, who simply live pampered lives, and have no real interest in the way the government functions. They believe they have ultimate power, and they don’t need to do anything at all in order to maintain absolute control over the world.

Like, they don’t even believe they have to skim the headlines of the New York Times. To be fair, Lloyd Austin can’t skim the headlines, because he is literally a 74 IQ nigger who can’t read. But Blinken I guess just doesn’t have time in between eating brunch, playing sudoku, and watching The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel.