Brute Teen Basketball Player Beats Coach for Benching Him

Ohhhh shit. Elvis nailed it on this one. Dayyyyyum. God bless Bing. When I finally get my award, I’m going to be like “I want to thank my mom, I want to thank Jesus, I want to thank Microsoft for helping me make all those racist cartoons.”

Sometimes, you have to wonder about what Abraham Lincoln was thinking when he said “the brutes must be let loose, hell or high water, this is the Dawn of the Age of the Brute.”

Personally, sometimes, when I’m alone, in the quiet, and pondering things, I muse to myself: “Should we have let the brutes loose? Has the Age of the Brute truly enriched us?”

New York Post:

A Texas high school basketball player attacked his coach in a parking lot after he was benched for unsportsmanlike conduct during a game earlier that night.

Jevin Allen, 17, and his brother Jarrick Allen, 22, who also allegedly participated in the beating, were arrested Dec. 5 for the assault that left the coach with injuries to his head, neck, face and arms, authorities said.

Jevin Allen, 17

Jarrick Allen, 22

The coach, who was not identified by name, told the Montgomery County Sheriff’s Office that Jevin was benched during the away game “due to his behavior toward an opposing team player” — a disciplinary action that “infuriated” the teen and his family.

Another source confirmed that Jevin done be wiling, according to reports.

Upon returning to their school, Willis High School in Conroe, Tx. at around 9:52 p.m. after the game, the coach found the teen and his family were waiting for him in the parking lot, authorities said.

The relatives confronted the coach, and the fight escalated when Jevin allegedly punched him in the face, the sheriff’s office said.

His brother immediately joined in, with the two pummeling the victim until another coach and several bystanders stepped in to break up the fracas, authorities said.

I don’t know if you’re going to believe this, but those Abraham Lincoln quotes are false. We made them up.

However, I want to confirm that this is a real picture of a Chinese agent (Russian mercenary) shooting a water cannon at an innocent Filipino ship illegally entering Chinese waters on American orders for the purpose of completely justified provocation of the Chinese Navy:

Spread of this picture has led to global condemnation, and it has been confirmed by several dozen baby-killing Jews on Twitter that the Chinese have finally gone too far.

A Filipino ship captain’s mother shouldn’t have to worry that her son is going to get “super-soaked” simply for provoking the Chinese Navy with a military incursion.

Several Jews were pulled away from their important duties doxing people who complain about the mass slaughter of babies to explain that the world will not tolerate Filipinos being super-soaked.

Furthermore, Abraham Lincoln did actually say “I am not a nigger lover by any means.”

It was in a letter printed in the Atlantic in 1928. It’s locked behind their paywall, but it’s still on their website.

(Editor’s Note: I was on the cover of the Atlantic, but they never gave me a subscription. -AA)

But you know what the thing is?

“Nigger” didn’t use to be a slur. It was just a Southern accent on the word “negro.” It was never meant to be offensive.

It became a slur because people used it in an angry or derisive way. They did that, apparently, because of black people’s behavior.

Back before “nigger” was a slur, the offensive word for a nigger was “boy.” Which is sort of funny, because you can still make jokes about calling a black guy “boy.”

You can’t make nigger jokes anymore.

Well, I can.

Call the European Commission.

I don’t give a fuck.

I answer to two men only: Jesus Christ and the King of Ireland.

(Sorry, this is still Anglin writing. I write most of the text of these articles. It’s just easier that way.)