Doctor Who? Doctor You Know Who Dafaq We Be, Nigga

With the current female Doctor quitting the show, BBC’s flagship sci-fi series Doctor Who is going urban, bringing in an African person to play the lead role on the declining show!

The show’s ratings have dropped off a cliff since a woman took the lead role, probably due to you know, script problems or something. It is expected that bringing “one of the niggas” on-board is going to reinvigorate the show’s ratings, because if there is one thing everyone likes seeing on TV, it is the blacks.

A recent poll showed that the white male science fiction fanbase likes black male leads in their shows even more than they like white women. (They don’t care about race or sex and just care about ethics in gaming journalism.)

Metro:

Doctor Who has confirmed Sex Education star Ncuti Gatwa is the new Time Lord.

The 29-year-old will become the 14th Doctor on the popular BBC sci-fi series after Jodie Whittaker announced last July she will be leaving the role.

The exciting announcement was teased by returning Doctor Who showrunner Russell T Davies and Gatwa on Instagram, with a post featuring two heart emojis, a plus symbol and a blue square.

‘There aren’t quite the words to describe how I’m feeling,’ Garwa said of his role. ‘A mix of deeply honoured, beyond excited and of course a little bit scared.

‘This role and show means so much to so many around the world, including myself, and each one of my incredibly talented predecessors has handled that unique responsibility and privilege with the utmost care.

‘I will endeavour my upmost to do the same.’

The announcement put to rest rumors that the Doctor was going to be played by a set of floating teeth.

Davies has explained that having a black Doctor will enable him to tell “new kinds of stories,” hinting that we will be learning about “the first trap house that is bigger on the inside than on the outside” as the doctor “travels through space and time to slang rock and blast on niggas that been did him dirty.”

“The galaxy is full of fiends, and yet this is the first time we’ve seen a Doctor that sells crack cocaine,” Davies explained to The Stormer. “This will allow us to tell new kinds of stories.”

Davies is a fat homosexual with a deformed face.

Davies also explained that keeping in line with the tradition started with the 13th Doctor (the first female Doctor had a sonic screwdriver shaped like a clitoris and vulva), the first black Doctor will use his penis as a sonic screwdriver.

Asked if he meant that the sonic screwdriver will be in the shape of a giant African horsecock, Davies cleared things up: “No, he will literally use his giant black horsecock as his utility tool. Whenever there is a problem with busted technology, he will whip it out and start humping it.” Davies explained this tweak will incorporate traditional African scientific methods.

Asked if there are any other elements of black culture he will be including in the show, Davies explained that Ncuti Gatwa will be the first Doctor who goes around complaining that everyone is oppressing him.

“We don’t want a black Doctor who doesn’t take notice of the oppression that blacks face in white society – and we want to show that racism spans the universe. You can’t go anywhere in the universe where everyone isn’t trying to oppress black people because they hate the color of their skin, so the Doctor is going to be facing a lot of space racism, and complaining about it, sometimes taking violent revenge on people who call him names or otherwise hurt his feelings,” Davies explained.

“This is by far going to be the most whiny and violent Doctor we’ve ever seen.”

Asked if the show would include other unique and vibrant elements of black culture, such as drive-by shootings, rape, child abandonment, child murder, rape of the elderly, gang violence, mass shootings, throwing children down stairs, or mass rioting and looting, Davies merely winked and said: “don’t worry. This show is going to be very, very black.”