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Pomidor Quixote
Daily Stormer
September 11, 2019
Tracy Cox, vagina expert
Are you the proud owner of an Original Goo Hole?
Do you sometimes wish your goo hole would go back to being as tight as it was back in the day?
Would you like to keep your goo hole clean and healthy to extend its useful life and increase the enjoyment you get out of it?
If the answer to any of the above questions is yes, then today’s your lucky day!
British sex expert Tracy Cox tells Daily Mail how to keep vaginas fit.
You don’t need expensive spa visits to stay in good shape. Here’s all you need to know to have a happy, healthy vagina – naturally.
THE SEXERCISE
Pelvic floor exercises don’t just produce a tight vagina, they increase sensitivity, boost sexual desire, intensify orgasm and can help you become multi-orgasmic. They also help reduce strain on your pelvic organs and improve bladder and bowel function.
Plenty of reasons to get squeezing!
First, find your PC muscle by stopping yourself peeing (try not to pull in your bottom or tummy at the same time).
Once you’ve isolated it, squeeze and contract, holding it for a few seconds, then release.
Start with repetitions of 25 and do two sets a day. It’s then a case of working up to around 50 repetitions, several times a day, but holding the squeeze for longer.
Repetitions and sets, just like the gym. No pain no gain. Gotta grow that pussy.
THINGS THAT ARE WORTH A TRY
Pelvic floor monitors or training kits
Kegel exercises get high tech with silicone trackers you insert into the vagina to measure the strength of your squeeze and chart progress.
This is something gynaecologists ARE happy to recommend.
Kegel ‘training kits’ include weighted kegel balls that you insert inside the vagina and squeeze around, ensuring you’re doing the exercises correctly.
…
You progress to heavier weights, as you move through the program, building pelvic floor strength as you go.
Kegel balls? Kettle bells?
Vaginas have to increase the weights they lift to progress in their fitness journey.
I’m telling you: just like the gym.
Period ‘cups’
These are an alternative to tampons and pads.
Made from soft material, you insert them inside the vagina to collect menstrual flow, emptying up a few times a day.
They’re perfectly safe to use, reusable and lots of women swear by them.
A good ‘green’ choice – and way cheaper than constantly forking out for tampons or pads.
Period cups are an abomination and contradict what she was previously suggesting. Having that thing inside for hours loosens vaginas.
Women who start using these things may think their vaginas are “just like they were before,” but they’re really not.
While we’re on the topic of insertion, a word on what is and isn’t safe to put inside.
THINGS YOU SHOULD NEVER INSERT
Chocolate syrup: Anything that has sugar in it changes the bacteria and yeast proportions that cause infections.
Whipped cream: Fine to have it licked off your nipples, buttocks and thighs but don’t put it inside the vagina.
Petroleum jelly (Vaseline) or baby oil: Again, it alters the pH balance and often leads to yeast infections.
Vegetables: The main problem is pesticides. So, if that carrot does catch your eye, you must wash it thoroughly first.
You also want to make sure whatever you put in, you can take out again. Things like peeled bananas are a problem because they’re difficult to remove.
Yeah, it’s fine to eat the pesticides, just don’t put them into your goo hole.
Also, never forget that women need to be told not to put chocolate syrup and peeled bananas in their vaginas.
An electric toothbrush: Use it on your clitoris if the vibration appeals but don’t put it inside. The vaginal tissue is delicate and the brush can cause tiny tears.
Spicy food: Why you’d want to insert a hot, red chilli is beyond me but just in case the idea appeals…Don’t. Hot foods irritate and can burn the vaginal tissue.
What do you mean why would I want to insert a hot red chilli in my vagina?
Why wouldn’t I?
If holes weren’t meant to be filled, they wouldn’t be empty!
THE SEX MOVES
How, when and how often you have sex strongly influences what shape your vagina is in.
It’s all about getting that pussy in shape, baby. Vaginal CrossFit.
Have sex regularly
The vagina is a closed muscular canal that extends from the vulva (the outside of the female genitals) to the neck of the uterus (cervix). Like the other muscles in our body, it needs exercise. Having sex – at least once a week – will keep your muscles toned and the vaginal walls flexible. If you don’t have a partner, masturbate a few times a week – to orgasm – to reap the same health benefits. Use a variety of masturbation techniques (fingers, vibrator) so you don’t become dependent on one type of stimulation.
Yes, if you want to go back to having the tight, youthful vagina you had before you became a slut, just double-down on The Whore Path!
There’s an Ancient Chinese Wisdom saying that roughly translates to: “Virgin bride pussy is best pussy, virgin bride pussy not exercised pussy. Best pussy is lazy pussy.”
This Goo Hole expert appears to think that virgin teenage women have the least toned vaginas ever due to their lifelong lack of adhering to a vaginal fitness regime.
Never have anal sex then vaginal sex
Change the condom or thoroughly clean his penis first. Bacteria from your anus does not belong in the vagina and ups the risk of infections.
Or just change the penis first!
Also, don’t tell me what does or doesn’t belong in my vagina!
My body, my choice.
Don’t expect to orgasm through penetration alone
Only 20 to 30 per cent of women can reach orgasm during intercourse without added clitoral stimulation. There’s nothing wrong with you, it’s biology. The clitoris is outside the vagina!
And in some parts of the world, the clitoris is even outside of your body!
There are a few things to remember here:
- Period cups are gross, but pads and tampons are gross too
- Women are supposed to be locked up and isolated when menstruating and to let the blood flow freely
- Women need to be told by experts not to put chocolate syrup and peeled bananas in their vaginas
Also: Women think that increasing the frequency with which they put things in their vaginas will make their vaginas be more like they were back when they didn’t put lots of things in their vaginas.
