As I said on Sunday, I am not doing particularly well. I am physically and mentally drained, and have begun to believe I actually have a brain tumor.
People keep saying: “Is this a joke, or does he actually have a brain tumor?”
The clear answer, as far as I am able to gather, is: “Both?”
The illness that occurred beginning on October 7 (the day of the Hamas attack) was as severe as it has been described. The symptoms were similar to malaria, but I don’t actually live in Nigeria and I do not live in a tropical area. It’s not possible it was malaria. The symptoms, actually, are that of a brain tumor.
I have never had headaches in my life, and now I always have a headache. Alcohol helps, but also probably makes it worse.
I am also having a midlife crisis, which is ongoing, and probably have some kind of heart problem. My gym routine is still terrible, and I am underweight. I have limited appetite. I have dizziness and terrible dreams. I sleep very little.
I’m living in someone else’s house. It’s a mansion, and I have my own space, including a mini fridge with an ice-maker. However, I am getting cold and the homeowners are not, so I am using a space heater that is drying out the air in the room. I have very hard boogers. Picking my nose is like pulling razor blades out of a piece of cork.
Now I’m just whining. But I’m trying to explain the status. Part of the Revelation was to include extremely personal information.
I am now reading Philip Farmer novels. I can’t even bring myself to play Planet Zoo. I did watch Invincible, and it’s actually awesome. He has a black girlfriend, which is ridiculous, but there is nothing else political about it. You could read into it that it’s about toxic masculinity or something, but that is not a clear message and it’s a good story regardless.
The notes exist for the Illness Revelations, which are the real revelations, which include, most importantly, information about self-analysis, as well as my understandings of Christianity up to this point. Very important information. I have the notes. And I’m not like, Mr. Polished Prose, so it’s just a matter of pounding it out. My keyboard doesn’t work correctly. I bought a new laptop, but it is such a nightmare to switch to a new computer. It takes hours that I do not want to spend. I would rather read Philip Farmer novels that are really just complete trash and think about what kind of zoo I would build if I had the motivation to play Planet Zoo.
But the work will be done. This work is important. Then, the next phase will begin, which I have a vague image of now, sometime around late spring of 2024, when I will be doing semi-autobiographical fiction and also releasing an accompanying emo-folk album, most of which is already written, but I need to practice the guitar and also figure out how to add keyboard accompaniments digitally.
Mostly, I want to focus on religious materials, or religious-oriented materials, as these are the only materials that actually matter. Politics are sort of gay and retarded. We are all in this world alone, and “politics” means “affairs of the city.” The affairs of the city do not impact our souls unless we allow them to. The goal of every man must be to save his own soul. When you have a midlife crisis, as all millennials currently are experiencing or will shortly, you are overwhelmed by the shortness of life. It really is just like a blip. So we must focus on the meaning, and we must complete the quest to the best of our ability.
The quest is not a secret, but something that must be discovered: you did not choose to be born, you were created by God. When God created you, he had a perfect series of decisions that you could make laid out, which would lead to your personal fulfillment and would make the world a better place. But of course, we are imperfect, so we are not going to make all of those decisions correctly. The goal however is to make the highest number of correct decisions possible, to line yourself up with this plan that was laid out for you before you were born. It’s a bit like tuning a guitar. You are trying to bring your life to the correct vibrational frequency, to line it up with the intentions of God, which fulfills your purpose in this life and thereby prepares you for the world that comes after.
There are things that any individual can do to try to line himself up more with the plan, to tune into the frequency. The first thing is to realize that it’s all in your head. You live in your head.
The issue we are dealing with primarily is that Christianity sounds silly, due to the paradigm we were brought up in. It’s like how it’s an outrage that I promote child marriage, and you say: “How can something be an outrage when it was the norm for millions of years, up until just a few decades ago?” But even while it would not sound outrageous to our great-grandparents, we were born in a world where it is assumed to be an outrage, for reasons no one can really explain. It’s just in our heads. The physical reality is that mammals breed at the time of fertility, and restricting this is unnatural. If we’re going to push back against nature, we should have a solid reason, not some wishy-washy emotional gibberish.
I’ve made the claim that there are no non-feminist women in the West in the same way that there are no feminist women in Afghanistan. Feminism is an idea, in opposition to nature, and so in order for it to exist, it has to be planted in people’s heads. However, women cannot resist the allure of being allowed to use their sexuality to manipulate men, and to put off childbirth for reasons of amusing themselves. Therefore, any society which empowers women in this way is going to end up with full feminism, and women who say “I’m not a feminist” are actually engaging in feminism by asserting their ability, as liberated beings, to decide their own beliefs. It’s also considered fashionable for women to identify as “traditional.” None of them actually are, just like no woman in Afghanistan is liberated.
We’re working this towards the problem of Christianity sounding silly, and this being a result of a Satan overload.
Imagine you had a time machine, like Bill & Ted, and you decided that it would be an excellent adventure to take a gender studies professor, a fat millennial bitch with blue hair and face piercings, back in time to the medieval period and have her explain her various ideological beliefs to farm peasants. So, she would go into the local inn, and gather the farm peasants around the tables, and present to them transgender children, transgender surgeries, homosexual marriage, Black Lives Matter, the Biden open borders immigration policy (monthly $2,200 checks for whoever shows up), and all of the other aspects of the modern social normalcy in current year America.
The peasants would be totally baffled. They would think the whole thing was ridiculous and nonsensical. They would not believe that it was possible for anyone to believe in this ideology, let alone for these beliefs to become the norm in society.
Basically, when someone tries to explain Christianity to people now, it’s the same thing. You, my dear reader and very personal friend, don’t believe in trannies or mass immigration, and yet you live in a world where people do believe in these things and these things are the norm and therefore you are affected by that. It seeps into your headspace that this is the baseline, and that you, in disagreeing with it, are disagreeing with what is accepted as normal.
All of this is in your head. It’s in all of our heads.
We have a botched conception of reality itself. Part of it is, unfortunately, a result of urbanization. We feel that reality is this cold and dead thing, which is very hard. If you live in nature, of course it’s less convenient (we don’t want to romanticize it too much), but you can feel that the world is alive. You are not a living thing moving around in a dead space of concrete, plastic, and glass, but a living being in a living world. It is much easier to believe in something magical, such as the story of Christianity, if you are in a forest or a wheat field.
The story of Christ and the trinity and salvation is magical, but reality itself is magical, and these things fit together if you have a clear view of the magical nature of reality. The consumerist and utilitarian ideology has sucked all of the magic out of the physical world, and it has altered our headspace, which is now no longer fertile ground for metaphysical truths.
So, we have to go back to the basics, and explain the absurdity of the fundamentals of the current reality: the Big Bang, biogenesis, fish transforming into monkeys, and so on. We have to start by “debunking” the metaphysics of materialism. We start by explaining that it is actually impossible for your existence to be an accident, for you as an individual to be anything other than purposefully designed by an intelligent force. This is surprisingly easy to explain and to prove. Life can’t create itself from dead matter. It’s stupid. And look at dogs. A chihuahua is descended from a wolf.
The creature changed that much through selective breeding, and yet no fundamental aspect of it changed. There were no “mutations” to cause a change from one species to another. We have no record, ever, of this happening. It’s just pure nonsense, this idea of animals changing into other animals, yet it is accepted as fact in the same way that Christianity was accepted as fact in the Middle Ages.
People will smugly chuckle if you say you don’t believe in evolution.
One of the first acts of Pope Francis when he began his reign of terror was to come out and say that the Big Bang and Darwinian “Animals Changing Into Other Animals” theories were actually true.
In some ways, this is worse than his promotion of gay anal fisting (including even double-fisting): he’s denying the magical nature of reality and the universe, and embracing a metaphysics of nihilism that was invented for the explicit purpose of removing magic from the universe.
Saint John says: “In the beginning was the Word and the Word was with God and the Word was God.” If we have to break this down into modern materialist language, what this would mean is that the thoughts of God took physical form. Presumably, the current “laws of physics” were a result of the Fall of Man, and when we talk about Eden, we are talking about a human existence that was not subject to the current restrictions of matter. I don’t know that, but this is what I imagine to be the case, and there is no official church doctrine saying it either way. (Francis has basically attempted to make modern voodoo gibberish about the Big Bang and fish giving birth to monkeys into official church doctrine, but it isn’t technically. There is no official position. So I think that the material world sprang from the mind of God, where all of infinity exists.)
Jews have violated our headspace, filled it up with invasive and perverted fantasies designed to sterilize and demystify the magic of reality. We are at the point that the truth sounds absurd.
We’re going to get to all of these things, and much more, and much better things.
There will also be jokes. I’m going to have to start making some really sick jokes to cheer myself up.