Jake Bolden’s State of the Jewnion was So Boring I Couldn’t Even Catch Much of It

I will say that I was impressed with Josh Brolin’s ability to speak for an hour. But I think it was probably a CGI deep fake.

Other than that, I can’t really say anything about it, because it was so boring. I sat and watched it and was only thinking about a stream I watched earlier of Beardson Beardly playing Elden Ring, and thinking about how much I want to play Elden Ring.

Instead of whatever Brandon was saying, he should have done an Elden Ring stream. People actually care about that. People do not care about an endless dribble of hollow platitudes.

I was surprised at how little he talked about Russia and liberating the Ukrainian democracy. He opened with that, but I expected the whole thing to be about that.

Instead, he just made a bunch of promises and spouted meaningless, gibberish-type slogans about the power of our democracy to overcome challenges.

He didn’t apologize for anything – any of the hell that this country has gone through since he took office a year ago. Instead, he said that nothing was his fault. He didn’t really even say there were any problems, but said that he was already fixing everything.

Bizarrely, he said that he was going to fix the border. He literally opened the border, so I’m not sure what he’s planning to fix. I remember that part. And I remember he said he is going to cure cancer. He also talked about his dead son, of course.

All this nigga talks about is his dead son.

He really should just play it up even harder. He should have said “and now the New York Philharmonic is here to play ‘Danny Boy’ for my dead son.”

And then said “surprise! It’s not the Philharmonic! It’s Tom Jones! Tom Jones, ladies and gentleman – my son is dead!”

Then he could be like “and now, Kodak Black will play a tune for my son that’s not dead yet – Hunter, this one’s for you, buddy.”

Speaking of drug addicts, Biden also said he was going to end the opioid epidemic.

There were a lot of Republican talking points.

Because it’s an election year?

I can’t imagine he thinks he’s going to win in the midterms.

Not that it even matters – the plan now looks to be for Republicans to win since they’re more hardcore on the war with Russia.

He also said Covid is over, but that we’re going to keep vaccinating everyone and everyone is going to have to take pills and new variants are coming and we’re going to rush people with new experimental vaccines.