Lloyd Austin Comments on Bombed Pipes

#US Defense Secretary Lloyd Austin says it is still too soon to speculate who might have been behind the #NordStream pipeline ruptures.https://t.co/gwWDEzxOIN

— Al Arabiya English (@AlArabiya_Eng) September 30, 2022

Pentagon Chief Lloyd Austin gave comments on the Nord Stream pipes, which he described as “being blown out like a pussy been hit with yo big nigga’s black snake.”

He further claimed that his dick is too big to fit in the Nord Stream pipes, which he claimed is evidence that he did not order them to be bombed.

“Nigga I is be running the mutahfakan Pentagram, ain’t got time fo no pipin’. Last bitch I laid down the pipe on, I ain’t even know. It’s finna ta be a minute since I laid the pipe,” the nation’s chief Defense official continued.

Austin claimed that those responsible for the pipes getting blown out were “bitch whites.”

“They call me the pipe-man, and I ain’t blowed no pipes. Them pipes blow me, if y’all know what I’m sayin’.”

Austin then punched his secretary in the face before brandishing a weapon and slowly walking out the back of the event. He jumped in a black SUV, from which heavy bass and a strong smell of marijuana emanated.

That same SUV was then reportedly involved in a drive-by shooting on a local Hawaii crackhouse. Asked about Austin’s involvement in the shooting, the White House said that this was a “racist insinuation,” and added that black people cannot be arrested for drive-by shootings anyway due to equity laws.

Experts speculate that Austin was using his business trip to Hawaii to take over the crack game in that region. In fact, Austin runs a website called “crackworld.com” where he posts images of his territory and the people he has killed. An update to crackworld.com posted late Thursday claimed credit for killing several prominent Honolulu crack dealers.

Austin also raped several women before attending a local dog fight, where he shot three men.