Joe Biden Promises to Cure Cancer, Pensioner Supporters Believe They Will Live Forever

Shmuley Ben Shekelheim
Jewish Telegraph Agency
June 13, 2019

Joe Biden has told his heavily aged supporters that he’s going to cure cancer if elected in 2020.

“I’ve worked so hard in my career, that I promise you, if I’m elected president you’re gonna see the single most important thing that changes America, we’re gonna cure cancer,” Biden told his audience in Ottumwa, Iowa this week.

“Take my hand, we’ll be able to fly. Don’t fear the reaper,” he added.

Speaking about President Donald Trump, and comparing his presidency to that of Barack Obama, the former vice-president said: “Tell me now, is he good to you? Does he do to you the things that I do? Oh, no.”

He painted a dire picture of the state of Trump’s America, saying he looks around and sees “people shuffling their feet, people sleeping in their shoes. But there’s a warning sign on the road ahead. There’s a lot of people saying we’d be better off dead.”

He also condemned Trump’s trade wars with China and his threats against Mexico, pressing the importance of American exports. “We’ve got to move these refrigerators, we’ve got to move these color TVs.”

Reaching out directly to former Trump voters, Biden said: “Ain’t it hard when you discover that he really wasn’t where it’s at, after he took from you everything he could steal? How does it feel?”

He closed by urging Iowans not to miss the primaries.

“Get your motor running, head out on the highway,” he told the enthusiastic listeners.

They appeared dazzled by his words. He’s a man of the people, saying keep hope alive.

And his support base, made up almost entirely of pensioners, believes in magic.

One pensioner at the event, Judith Blatzman, a 72-year-old woman in a walker, said that she believed Joe Biden has the power to cure cancer, and that if he were elected, she would never die. She added that Joe Biden struck her as a “magic man,” saying that while he was speaking, “he seemed like he knew me, he looked right through me.”

Another attendee, Herman Johnson, an 81-year-old former Fuller Brush salesman, said that he had voted for Donald Trump in 2016 because he believed he would start a war with Iran that would cause the rapture and allow him to be sucked up into the sky to live forever. Johnson said he was disappointed in the outcome, and that he’ll be happy to see Biden elected and completely transform America to create a world without disease or death.

“I’ll tip my hat to the new constitution, take a bow for the new revolution, smile and grin at the change all around,” Johnson said. “We don’t get fooled again,” he added.

Another pensioner at the event, Gerald Cunnings, a 71-year-old retired insurance salesman, talked about how things in his town have gone sour in the last few years, and he doesn’t think immigrants or the Jews are to blame. However, he is worried about his pension.

Describing the events in his small town in Iowa, he said: “They burned down the gambling house. It died with an awful sound. Funky Claude was running in and out, pulling kids out the ground. When it all was over, we had to find another place. But Swiss time was running out. It seemed that we would lose the race.”

Cunnings said that Biden could get him back in the race with his plan to protect pensions and allow him to live forever through new technologies.

From the vibe of this event, it is clear that the exodus is here and the happy ones are near.

As Biden was leaving, a man in a wheelchair with an oxygen tank rolled up to him and wanted to shake his hand, but he couldn’t lift his arm up off his lap. Joe Biden instead rubbed his inner-thigh and groin area, and the man smiled brightly, saying, “I’ve been first and last, look at how the time goes past. But I’m all alone at last, rolling home to you.”

That is quite an endorsement.

It’s unclear how Joe Biden would cure cancer if he is elected president. Based on his statements, he may have already found the cure, and is simply waiting to get elected to release it to doctors and scientists.

One thing is for sure, however: baby boomers are finding their stairway to heaven in Joe Biden.