Experts Recommend Jacking Off in Front of Your Wife

This is apparently normal material.

I can believe it.

New York Post:

Want better sex?

Let your lover play alongside you the next time you’re enjoying a solo session.

Researchers have discovered that mutual masturbation helps boost sexual satisfaction — meaning it may be the surprisingly simple secret to a sizzling sex life.

Forget adventurous new positions or racy role plays: self-pleasuring in the presence of a partner appears to enhance actual lovemaking.

The saucy study, led by psychology professors at the University of Southampton in the UK, surveyed 268 participants about their intimate activities and associated emotions. The results were published by the International Journal of Sexual Health.

“Mutual masturbation refers to the presence or involvement of a partner(s) during self-stimulation, which may occur before, during, after, or without any other sexual activity,” the professors explained.

I don’t even know where to start with this bullshit.

Here’s the basic thing: if you’re married, you’re not going to enjoy your “sex life.” At least not after the first couple of months. Once you get close enough to a woman, you lose the ability to actually be sexually aroused by her, regardless of how attractive she might have been to you previously.

This is the most important thing: it’s very normal. The media promotes the idea that sex is the most important thing, and you should be having porno-style sex with your wife after you’ve got three kids together. In fact, churches promote this too, at least in America.

This is totally insane.

Sex is for teenagers and hookers. That’s it. When you’re an adult, and you’re married to some woman, and you’ve been married to her, you’re probably going to have sex once a month, when your wife is ovulating (this is the only time a woman is actually “horny,” as it’s the only time her body is producing testosterone). She will initiate the sex, and you’ll be like “yeah, okay.”

The basic premise that your “sex life” is an important part of your marriage, or an important part of the life of a developed, mature adult, is deranged. This is one of those psycho nonsense things invented by the boomers.

Forget about it.

If you get married, understand: it’s not about sex. It’s a business partnership to produce and raise children. Sex is probably the reason you got together with the woman in the first place, but you’re not going to be having sex every night or even once a week. This is unnatural, and trying to force it because the media told you you should do that is pathological.

Don’t do weird sexual shit with your wife. This will make you feel gross, and it will make you feel empty inside. It could, actually, ruin your relationship.

Sex is not particularly interesting anyway, okay? When you get married, you move on with your life. In particular, you think about work instead of sex.

You can have romance with the wife. You can take her out to dinner or whatever. That’s good. But in general, you shouldn’t be spending a lot of time with her, and you definitely shouldn’t be buying sex toys or learning how to do “role-playing,” or asking her to watch you masturbate.

This is all freakish.

Just be normal.