Russian Priest Calls for Dudes to be Picked Up at the Nightclub and Drafted

Even if this doesn’t actually happen, it’s good for society that someone is saying it should happen.

And it should happen.

We’re all sinners and we’ve all been out shoving bank notes down the underwear of hookers. At least I have. Though no one should be doing that in the first place, it becomes a whole other order of thing when your brothers are out in the trenches dying.


A Russian archpriest and former head of the missionary department of the Kiev diocese has called for a conscription raid on nightclubs, arguing such venues are full of “healthy sexually mature stallions,” who should be on the frontline of the Ukraine conflict instead.

Andrey Tkachev, who is known for controversial statements, made the suggestion while speaking live to Russian Tsargrad TV on Sunday.

“It has occurred to me that mobile military enlistment offices should not sit freezing in Upper and Lower Lars,” Tkachev stated, referring to a border crossing point on the Russia-Georgia border that saw a flow of Russians seeking to leave the country amid the partial mobilization last September. An enlistment office operated there for a few weeks until late October 2022.

Tkachev displayed an apparently extensive knowledge of nightlife, suggesting that nightclubs should become the primary source of conscripts. Such venues are full to the brim with “healthy sexually-mature stallions, with good financial income, with every second one having dilated pupils, they spend whole nights stuffing banknotes into the pants of dancing girls,” he said.

“These healthy sexually-mature stallions do not have the right to sin in wartime… in fact, they do not have the right to sin at all, and to sin when your peers are losing their arms and legs is really disgusting,” Tkachev argued, suggesting that even a single raid on night venues would have a “healing” effect on the country.

Born in the Western Ukrainian city of Lvov, Tkachev moved to Russia in 2014 following the Maidan coup and the beginning of the conflict in Donbass.

Anyone who got picked up at a club and press-ganged would be thankful for it later in life. Or they would be dead, in which case it makes no difference anyway.

I’m sure there are Russians reading this now and saying “well, it’s easy for you to say – you’re not on the verge of getting drafted to go die in a pit.” And I am well aware of that.

But hey – that’s life. If my country ever tried to draft me I would flee and feel good about it. I’m not sure I’m even allowed to say that, but it’s true – there is no way I’m fighting for the anal flag. So it is easy for me to say.

Well, it’s sort of easy. Not totally easy, because it is disgusting that my country is an anal cesspit. A big part of me wishes that I had something to fight for, that I was proud of my country and wanted to fight for it. But I don’t and I’m definitely not ever going to.

Them’s the ropes. I don’t know what else to say. You Russians get the benefit of living in a much better society, and that also means you have to fight for it. There is nothing of value in this world that you don’t have to fight for. That’s the nature of reality. Look at the animals, fighting for their food, fighting to protect their young in their hovels.

I didn’t create the universe. It’s just the way the universe is.

You have to fight.