Category: Featured Stories
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			 Florida: Lot Full of New Cybertrucks Spray Painted with “Fuck Elon” Because People Hate His Stupid Fat FacePeople hate his fat face. 
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			 Watch: Blacks Brawl During NJ High School GraduationSlavery works in mysterious ways. 
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			 UK: Museum Posthumously Declares Brontë Sisters “Genderqueer” Because of Their Pen NamesThey’ll be calling them the Brontë brothers within 10 years. 
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			 Pelosi and Other Politicians Visit Satanic Cult Leader and Fugitive Dalai Lama in Order to Anger the ChineseSomeone should ask Pelosi if she supports reinstating slavery in Tibet. 
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			 Trump’s Cuckold SCOTUS Upholds Fednigger Ban Preventing “Domestic Abusers” from Possessing GunsBy federal law, a woman can have you stripped of your weapons by telling a court you were mean to them. 
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			 China Tells EU They Might be Facing a Trade War Over US-Backed EV TariffsEurope would be much better off collaborating with China. 
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			 US “Incredibly Concerned” Over Putin Saying He May Provide Weapons to North KoreaMaybe the US should incredibly shut the fuck up and stop being gay? 
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			 Late. Shitty. Whatever.I do my best. This is the second warning that I’m thinking of taking a rest day. 
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			 Strange: Armenia Officially Recognizes State of PalestineWhat’s the game here? 
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			 Canada: Another Scientist Says Government Shut Down Investigation on Mystery Brain IllnessLooks like the government is trying to avoid a massive lawsuit. 
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			 Putin Visits Vietnam, Continues to Gather His Forces Against the Army of DarknessIt’s like Lord of the Rings. It’s also like 2Pac. 
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			 Vatican Putting Archbishop Carlo Maria Vigano on Trial for Denying the Legitimacy of the “Anal Pope”He’s not the Pope. 
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			 Bibi Goes Ape After IDF Spokesman Says Hamas Cannot be DefeatedHamas is Solid Snake. What are you going to do to Solid Snake? 
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			 California: Jury Orders British-Cypriot Billionaire to Give Slut $900 Million for 3-Year-Long Rapefest#FreeAlki 
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			 World’s Largest Pilot Union Wants to Stop Using Language Offensive to People of Anus (Including “Cockpit”)They can’t concentrate on flying the plane if they feel offended by commonly used words.