OFFICIAL POLICY: Everyone Knows That Censorious Rat and Jew-Lover Musk Renamed Twitter “X”

As a member of the media, I am officially announcing that there is no reason to continue saying “X, formerly Twitter.”

Everyone who reads the news is now aware that Elon Musk, who is anti-free speech and a Jew-lover, inexplicably changed the name of Twitter to “X.”

I suspect he did this as some kind of “deal with the devil trickery,” similar to Calypso from the Twisted Metal game series. Elon promised that there would be free speech on Twitter, then he changed the name of the site to “X,” and then made it clear that no one is allowed to talk about the Jews on X.

Maybe Twitter has free speech, but no one knows, because it doesn’t exist anymore. Now there is only X, a site for Jew-lovers to get together and talk about how great the Jews are. If you have any criticism at all of the Jews, you can go to Twitter – a site that no longer exists.

You don’t have to go along with this. I’m never going to call it “X.” I do not avow the existence of “X.” This is like a 15-year-old goth girl named Stacy changing her name to “Willow.” Bitch, I’m not calling you Willow. And I’m calling your step-dad to tell him you smoke pot and you’re a whore.

Of course, there is no step dad to call in the real life version of this stupid analogy.

The point is: as a member of the media, I am officially ordering the media to either just say “X” or ignore this nonsense and go back to saying “Twitter.” I repeat: henceforth, there is no need to write “X, formerly Twitter.”

This statement is official and must be respected.

Secondarily: for all of those members of the media contacting me about my progress working with the estate of the famous rapper DMX, known as “X,” to sue Elon Musk for identity theft: the family has disappeared with the $2,500 I raised for their lawsuit, my cellphone, and half a bottle of Maker’s Mark. The status of the suit is not looking good. I was considering trying the same lawsuit with the estate of Malcolm X. However, I fear the same thing would happen. I do not think there is a solution to the renaming of Twitter to be found in the civil court system.